Swept Under: Chapter 2: (looking for feedback) 23/03/26
By Sir Loin
- 45 reads
“I was late home today, y‘know.”
“Realy? Why was that?”
“Some boys almost died at the beach.”
The dinner table fell silent for a moment.
“What happened, Karina?”
“Trevor got taken in by a big wave.”
“Trevor the soccer boy? The one you told me about last time?”
“Yeah, him. He was drowning and Cameron jumped in to save him, then he was taken out too, by another wave.”
“Cameron?”
A cold breeze came in from the broken kitchen window. It brushed over the back of Karina’s neck, irritating her.
“I’ve told you about him. The weirdo with the notebook,” She said
“Ah, yes, long hair like a girl, never talks. Poor kid, he needs to make friends.”
Karina stopped scooping food with her spoon and looked up from her plate. She gave her mother a cold stare. Narrow eyes, flared nostrils, It’s the look she usually gives people to tell them that there’s something wrong with them.
“Yeah, him,” Karina said in a groany voice. “He jumped in to save Trevor and now everyone is treating him like some ‘hero’.”
“He is a hero.”
“No! He's not! He jumped in and almost drowned.” Karina dropped her spoon into her plate and crossed her arms. “They both had to be saved by the lifeguard, and now, suddenly everyone thinks he’s the most interesting person on earth.”
“Maybe all the attention will be good for him,” said Kaina’s mother. “Has he made any friends now?”
“Him and Trevor seemed very friendly after the event today.”
“That’s good.”
“How is that good? This isn’t right. They’re all fooling themselves about who they think he is,” said Karina.
“He’s done a noble thing and people are recognising him for it. There’s nothing wrong with that.”
“Ugh! Are you not listening! Everything is turning inside out, and upside down, and soon our whole school will end up as an unordered mess!”
Karina got up and kicked her chair back. She began to storm off towards the stairs when her mother called to her.
“Karina! Hold on.”
Karina stopped with one foot pressing on the first step, causing it to creek. She turned her face to her mother.
“You need to take yourself to school tomorrow,” her mother said. “I’ve got to get to work early in the morning.”
Karina turned her face away and stomped her way up the stairs, growling in frustration.
***
Karina left the house at seven thirty in the morning. She locked the front door and made her way down Hunter Street. Pondering the social structure of the year nine cohort at Bassville High, she realised that it had changed so much over the three years.
She also concluded that no matter how many times everyone had been ripped away from each other, or been brought together, or clashed, or backstabbed, or changed; Cameron had never been friends with anyone.
When the birds came into sight, flying chaotically over the rooftops, Karina stopped walking. Standing in the middle of a driveway, she observed the Murder of crows. She rooted for them as they chased after a little robin. They flew after it in a group, cawing what she thought to be an expression of joy. Their formation was an organised mess. They weren’t soaring in neat lines but every crow stayed within their vital position.
The birds passed over Karina. She tilted her head back, looking straight up as the robin tried to lose the crows. It took a sharp, right, U turn but one of the crows from the back of the group responded quickly, turning and T-boning the robin. The Robin fell out of the sky, spinning as it went head first into the pavement of the driveway, right in front of Karina.
The crow’s victory gave Karina a little sense of pride. She had supported the winning team. Approaching the robin, Karina’s heart began to ache a little. She stood over it and crouched down as it let out a quick series of high pitched chirps. As she watched its beak start to slow in its movement, and its chirps start to soften. Karina felt her eyes water. She felt sorry for it. She pulled her sleeves over her palms and pressed them into her eyes, absorbing the potential tears before they could bead and fall down her face.
A BEEP! From behind made Karina jump to her feet. A car was trying to pull into the driveway. Trevor was clearly visible through the windshield, looking confused as he stared at her from the passenger seat. He was talking to his stressed mother who was in the driver's seat. Another car came from down the road and parked on the curb in front of Trevor’s house. Cameron got out, notebook in hand.
Karina got out of the way, allowing Trevor’s car to roll forward over the robin. Trevor rolled down his window.
“Hey. What are you doing here?” he asked.
“I was just…” She glanced under the car. “On my way to school.”
“Yeah, but why are you in my driveway?”
“I could barely see you crouched down like that,” said Trevor’s mother.“ I almost ran you over. You shouldn’t loiter in such dangerous places.”
“Sorry,” said Karina
She directed her gaze towards Cameron. “What’s he doing here,” she said, trying to change the subject.
“After yesterday, we wanted to have a get together,” said Trevor. “So we asked our parents, and here we are.”
“but school starts soon.”
“Yeah, so?”
Cameron was talking to his mother through the open window next to the driver's seat. The notebook had been placed on the back seat and Karina spotted it through the wide open car door. This was the first time she’d ever seen him leave the book behind, unguarded.
“I’ve gotta go. I’m gonna be late,” Karina said to Trevor.
“Bye,” he replied.
Karina walked back onto the foot path, getting as close as she could to Cameron’s car. She passed behind Cameron and past the open backrow door and he’d still not noticed her, so she got behind the boot of the car and crouched low, peeking her head around the side.
She peered at Cameron through the window of the open door. He was talking fluently and the expression on his face was warm. The way he interacted with his mother was not at all like his usual self. It was almost normal.
Karina pulled her focus to the book. She started to move slowly around the boot of the car until the book was in arms reach. Staying low she extended her arm. Just as her hands advanced towards the car’s opening, she felt the edge of the door graze the tip of her fingers. It slammed shut in front of her.
Karina met Cameron's eyes. He gazed down at her, his breathing unsteady, like he’d just jumped up a long flight of stairs and his nose on the brick wall at the top and could now only take in air from his mouth. Karina’s veins felt like they had switched from transporting blood to carrying slow, chilled water. Her hand which she'd used to support herself against the car left a print of sweat as she backed away.
She averted her gaze and caught Trevors instead. The slam must’ve been loud enough to draw the attention of the whole neighbourhood.
She’d acted too fast for her own brain to register, and as she ran into the school gates, having not taken a break the whole way, she collapsed at the entrance.
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Comments
This is a great start,
This is a great start, although I think the timeline is a bit muddled? Events in part two seem to occur before those in part one, eg Karina talking about the almost drowning on the day it happened
The tension in the prologue is really well done
Hope that helps!
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