Nothing

Have you ever felt like you love someone so much, you hate
them?
Ever felt so bitter about someone because you care for them so much?
Ever felt so frustrated beacause you worry about whats happening? I
can't even bear to look at him or think about him because he makes me
feel sick and angered. Even the smallest thing he does can affect me so
majorly. It's not my fault I feel this way. And I act so unrationally
towards him and I can't help it. I can't help but wonder why, if I care
about him SO much, why am I treating him like this? It must be to save
myself from falling in too deep. There's been a change and I can't
figure out what it is.
I constantly want to communicate my love through affection, but it just
comes out as contempt and dismission. AND I CAN'T UNDERSTAND WHY? Maybe
it's an insecurity of mine. Maybe I feel if I let myself go too much,
he'll laugh at me and throw it back in my face. Maybe I'm scared he
doesnt feel the same for me as I do for him.
Maybe......Just maybe......