Twist in the tail

Twist in the Tail

Twist was a happy Ferret, well as happy as a captive bred pet ferret
can be anyway. He
had a clean hutch with a large airy outside run, that if he was lucky
he managed to escape
from about once very six months. He was well fed, and given loads of
table scraps by his
humans. He was also given lots of attention, and was very well cared
for, and he had the
company of two lovely ladies. A mother and daughter combo actually,
Piccolo (Pixie) and
Cello. he was one lucky ferret. To be honest the mother ferret, was
also Twist's mother
too, but we won't go into that too thoroughly, as, for the last two
years he'd bred with
both of them. Come on now, A ferrets gotta do what a ferrets gotta
do.

His humans were kind and attentive, and every so often the mother,
human let the little
humans, bring the trio into the house. Then they had a ferret of a
time. The first thing
Twist would do, is to go round the entire perimeter of the room on his
belly, grinding his
musk glands into the carpet and making it good and smelly, this was his
patch, and no one
had better forget it. Anyone who has ever been up close to a Ferret or
Polecat (especially
in spring) will be only too well aware of their very distinctive
"aroma", a smell so gentle
and delicate, that it can knock you backwards from three hundred yards
away, it lingers on
your clothes, and permeates the furthest reaches of the farthest nook
and cranny of the
house. It defies and defeats the most diabolical, sorry biological
detergent known to
man,or to ferret. Sorry ferret folk, but you STINK!

The three terrorists would then play "lets see how many ornaments we
can smash" one
point for a knock off, two points for a smash, and a massive five
points for a smash over
the big, bald humans head. None of them had quite attained that
accolade yet, but they
were ever the optimists, and lived in hope.

After this they would dig and bury themselves in all the pot plants,
sending soil and
foliage everywhere. This was also deemed to be a good time and place to
...er ...go pee or
worse.

It was usually about this time when the mother human screamed at the
top of her lungs
the "OUT" word. The Ferrets were never quite sure what this meant. They
always hoped
that it meant food would be provided, but usually within a very short
period of time , they
were unceremoniously scooped up, and were carted back to their hutch.
Where they
would settle down for a good nights sleep all cuddled up together,
shattered after the days
events, It was a tough life being a busy ferret you know!

Ed sat bolt upright in bed, the sweat was pouring off him, and the
sheet was twice
wrapped round his left leg. He was shaking and moaning "Oh no not
again"

Everynight he had the same recurring dream, not a nightmare as such,
for in the dream he
was always quite content, but still not the "Sex on the beach with
Pamela Anderson
dream". Nope it was the dreaded "Ferret" dream again. He had it night
after night. He
would always dream that he was a ferret. A smelly ferret, A smelly
ferret who regularly
copulated with his mother and his sister. It was ruining his
life.

He couldn't sleep with his wife anymore, His night time wrestling had
left her black and
blue, but the big strop came the night he had called her "Pixie". He
had begun to fantasize
constantly about making love to Cathy "ferret style" with her lying
face down while he bit
viciously at the back of her neck to hold her in position. How he
longed to feel fresh,
crusty scabs at the back of Cathy's neck after a night of ferret
rutting. This was about the
time he decided it would probably be a pretty good idea to see a
Psychiatrist. The shrink
was a little less than useless, and seemed to place great store on the
mother, sister thing.

Ed was now finding it difficult to work, the urge to dig in fresh,
loose soil was becoming
obsessional to him. Ed's greatest lament was that he couldn't clean
himself the way that a
ferret does. Think of the way a dog or cat cleans themselves and you
will get the picture!

Ed's life was not a happy one. Ed wanted to be a ferret, more than he
wanted United to
win the Cup, more than he wanted a new Ferrari, more than he wanted Sex
on the beach
with Pamela Anderson.

One day, Cathy came home to find Ed sliding on his stomach round the
room, He said it
was a new stomach toning exercise, but he didn't think she believed
him. Cathy had asked
him to leave not only their bedroom, but also their house. She once
nastily sugested that
he build himself a hutch in the back garden. Ed thought it was an
excellent idea.

Ed went downstairs to get a drink of milk, It was five hours until
morning, He greeted the
thought of going back to sleep with a mixture of trepidation and
excitement.
Ed did go back to sleep, the second his head hit the pillow.

It was about THAT time when Twist began twitching and chattering
frantically in his
sleep, His body jerked, and in his dream he tried to escape. Then
thankfully, he found
himself to be awake and back in his hutch. Thank goodness it was only
that dream again
....The Man Dream.