Small Talk Act I

Synopsis

Awkward silences, well-coordinated body language and ‘small talk’ are all curious features of stranger interaction in public places. These hidden codes of behaviour are methods which we all adopt, in order to protect our natural reserve and that of others, when confronted with strangers or unfamiliar human beings. ‘Small Talk’ centres primarily on Ted and Lynn who could represent any two people in these situations. They strangers whose development into something more intimate is always hindered, somewhat tragi-comically, by this ‘polite’ stranger etiquette. The main themes of this play explore the concept of the ‘stranger’, surrealise the extent to which strangers can talk without really communicating, and describe the obstacles which divide one stranger from the next in our society.

Dramatis Personae

Ted: A man in his late thirties, dressed smartly.
Lynn: A woman in her early forties, dressed smartly.

ACT I
Lights up. Exterior – a street outside a pub. Silence. Suddenly, Lynn emerges from stage right, holding her handbag. She walks across the stage, and exits stage left. Lights down. Lights up. Ted emerges from stage right, holding an umbrella in his hand. He walks across the stage, and exits stage left. Lights down. Lights up. Lynn emerges from stage left, walks across the stage, and exits stage right. Lights down. Lights up. Ted emerges from stage left, walks across the stage, and exits stage right. Lights fade to black.
Lights up. Interior – Ted and Lynn sit alone on high-stools at the bar in a pub. They are strangers and sit idly fidgeting, avoiding stare.
Occasionally, we can hear the faint chuckle from another conversation a few tables away, which Ted and Lynn look at, longingly. The clinking of bottles and the distant rolling of the till pierce the silence between Ted and Lynn, which given their lack of acquaintance would seem obvious, but it hangs in between them unnaturally and emphasised.
Beside them both are several finished glasses; it is clear that they have been sitting there for quite some time. Propped up against the bar is an umbrella, belonging to Ted. Lynn’s handbag lies on the bar. In between them stands an empty stool.
This situation is made to look ridiculous as goes on for some time – a couple of minutes, perhaps. Suddenly, Lynn alternates the way she crosses her legs to replace the verbal absence with movement. Ted, noticing this, attempts to raise his heels another level on the stool.
His foot slips and his right foot, struggling for balance, slams hard on the tiled floor. Lynn smirks, and they hold eye contact for a moment. Ted attempts to engage in small talk to speed up the situation, and so does Lynn.
BOTH: (In unison, speaking over one another) Alright?
Pause.
TED: Yeah, not bad-
LYNN: (Slightly interrupting) Not so bad.
At this point there is a prolonged pause, as neither of the strangers know which direction to usher the small talk.
After a while, Lynn takes a swig of her drink but she raises her glass too far, and liquid spills down her top. Ted notices this, but he pretends not to. Lynn subtly tries to clean her mouth. After a while, they catch eye contact, and both look down nervously.
LYNN: (Suddenly, feigning discomfort) Ooh, it’s hot in here isn't it?
TED: Yeah I was just about to say...!
Pause.
TED: Not so warm outside though eh?
LYNN: No it's bloody cold, too bloody cold.
TED: (Rubbing his arms, as if seeking warmth) …Yeah.
There is a considerable pause, before a young barman enters to collect their empty glasses; but he forgets an empty glass belonging Lynn. They both watch him do so, and as the barman leaves, Ted looks down at his feet.
LYNN: (Holding out the glass towards the barman) Excuse me.
Ted looks up inquisitively, and when the barman takes the glass and leaves, he shakes his head over-dramatically at Lynn.
LYNN: Ha!
TED: The youth of today… (Feigns a sigh.)
Lynn smiles politely and they both look down at their feet in another prolonged verbal pause.
They then choose to begin talking about the weather again; but their continuance of this banal topic isn't dictated by the truths about the weather outside, but by their preferences to talk about complete nonsense over enduring further silence.
TED: (Feigning discomfort) Quite cold inside, isn't it!
LYNN: Yes, too bloody cold. In the middle of winter too!
TED: That's where everyone’ll be, outside on the picnic tables…
LYNN: I don't blame 'em.
Pause. They hold eye contact for longer than any time previously.
LYNN: (Interrupted by Ted coughing) Anyway, my name's...
TED: (Feigning a cough, before looking up eagerly) I'm sorry?
LYNN: Are you alright?
Pause.
TED: Aye, not doing so bad I suppose.
Pause. Another setback in the development of conversation.
TED: How are you?
LYNN: (in a quick reply) Not bad.
Prolonged pause.
LYNN: So, you've got that cold?
TED: I’m sorry? Oh… yeah, got the one that's going around at the moment…
LYNN: Yes, read about that…
TED: Oh, in the papers…?
LYNN: Yeah…
There is again a lengthy pause, before the distant fruit machine plays an electronic tune. The barman interrupts the scene by dragging a mop behind the bar. He is watched by Ted and Lynn, and again their verbal absence is substituted by the barman's movement. Soon, the barman disappears and they are again left alone.
TED: So what kind of music-
LYNN: (Interrupting) The youth of today!
TED: (Politely laughing) Yes.
Pause.
TED: (Looking over the bar) It's like a swimming pool behind there!
Lynn looks over the bar and frowns.
LYNN: It's like the pavement outside.
Pause.
TED: Yeah, bloody rainy and bloody cold!
They laugh nervously. Pause.
TED: Isn’t telly… rubbish?
LYNN: (Unconvincingly) Yeah..!
TED: There’s nothing ever on.
Pause.
BOTH: (In unison) Bloody repeats..!
There is a momentary pause, before the door swings open and some distant voices greet whoever just entered the bar.
LYNN: Ooh, that draft!
TED: (With slight concern) It's too cold in here.
LYNN: Too bloody cold.
TED: Indeed!
Pause. After a while, Lynn coughs.
TED: Ooh, sounds nasty… a cold, perhaps?
LYNN: Yes, got the one that’s going round at the moment.
TED: (Pretending to understand) Ahh…
Prolonged Pause.
LYNN: You know, I dunno why I’m waiting here… when I could be at home watching the telly!
TED: Yes!
LYNN: There’s some amazing stuff on at the moment.
TED: Bloody amazing stuff!
LYNN: Have you seen that-
TED: (Interrupting) Yeah! (Realising she hasn’t finished her sentence) Yeah…
LYNN: Absolutely amazing.
TED: So compelling.
Pause.
LYNN: Yeah, it’s such a good era for television.
TED: Nothing quite like it, curled up next to an open fire…
LYNN: Yes! Sometimes I watch the soaps under the stars… particularly on warm nights like these!
Ted nods in agreement. Pause.
LYNN: I’m always alone when I’m doing that, mind. Most of my friends have fallen victim to that bug.
TED: Oh, the one that’s going around at the moment…?
LYNN: The very same.
TED: Yeah… (Hesitates.) Tell them to wrap up warm.
Pause. Ted and Lynn both struggle for words.
BOTH: (in unison) The youth of today…!
TED: So the papers tell me.
They laugh nervously.
A stranger approaches Ted and Lynn.
STRANGER: Anyone using this stool?
They both shake their heads. The stranger smiles at the pair of them, knowingly, before he takes the stool away. Pause.
The conversation then proceeds naturally, with fluidity, and they seem to be enjoying it; relieved, perhaps.
TED: I'm Ted by the way, what's your name?
LYNN: (Smiling) Lynn. (They shake hands.) What are we doing here, both alone?
TED: I'm waiting for a couple to arrive.
LYNN: Oh, really – I am too. They're never on time though, but I always am. How tragic!
TED: The one time I'm available to meet them... I do hope they show up.
LYNN: Do you live around?
TED: Yes, actually – well, a short bus ride. I… I like walking though!
LYNN: I live just up the street.
TED: You braved the rain then?
Pause.
LYNN: What rain?
TED: Oh, I’m sorry, it isn’t actually raining is it!
LYNN: Oh yes, this isn't rain. To think people complain about weather like this!
TED: I couldn't agree more! Aren't we just a nation of complainers – the newsagent today, forgotten his name, said that the weather was so bad this week that he wouldn't have left the house if it weren't for his job! I mean, how appalling is that...?
LYNN: That is appalling!
TED: But it wasn’t actually that bad… he just seemed to think it was. It’s crazy… do we even get a lot of weather?
LYNN: I know exactly what you mean… people make things up about the weather all the time! I don’t know why, there’s nothing particularly exciting about it… we rarely get any crazy tornadoes, monsoons, blizzards or hailstorms…!
TED: It just looks grey most of the time.
LYNN: And the same grey at that!
TED: Yes!
Pause.
TED: I mean, I’m sure we’re interesting, honest people aren’t we…
LYNN: Yes, I’m sure we could talk about ourselves just the same… I don’t like rice!
TED: I detest rice! So bland, it’s just a white pulp! Does it really go with anything?
They laugh intimately.
TED: Oh yes, as if it's some sort of bizarre stranger etiquette to complain about weather…!
LYNN: As if it helps us overcome over natural reserve when we meet someone new… how ridiculous!
TED: True. Small talk, how absurd it is! As if people cannot talk honestly, like there's some sort of private barrier or obstacle in the way!
Right then, the stranger from before approaches Ted and Lynn, carrying the stool he borrowed. He drags it over to where it was, between the two of them, before leaving. The door swings open and then shuts with a windy slam.
TED: (Thinking of something to say) Umm…
LYNN: (Struggling for words) It’s…
Ted and Lynn look back at their feet and they begin fidgeting again. They look at their watches. After a while, Lynn gets up from her stool, grabs her handbag and leaves, quickly smiling politely at Ted. Ted gets up at the same time, waiting for a few moments, before leaving himself, taking his umbrella with him. The sounds of the till and the fruit machine ascend. Lights fade to black.
END