anti-semitism i

i don't think i ever thought of the what the term "anti-semitism" really meant until recently. i, myself, am an asian who has been unduly influenced by jews. susan sontag, nadine gordimer, saul bellow, j.d. sallinger, stellar adler, and jewish people whom i've befriended have unduly influenced my outlook on life. i know i'm anti-semitic partially because the larger culture is anti-semitic and also because asian culture is anti-semitic. a part of this anti-semitism i accept as something i cannot change because it is in my nature. if this anti-semitism did not exist, i'd be a jew, not a korean-american. my strange and idiosynacratic relationship with nature is not something i can change. not even turning christian has changed this.

i see anti-semitism in places and it literally makes me angry. i can literally hear the word "jew" fuming out of people's noses. a jewish family enters a restaurant and they sit down. their kids are walking around a little bit, but not causing much commotion. i see a kind of numinescense around them, almost like haloes. i notice some people are whispering "jews." this jewish family is non-conformist. the children are not well-behaved in the traditional sense, but they are not causing much trouble. jews are the ones who'll refuse to pray if there is a war going on that they are opposed to. i just cannot believe the amount of stifling conformity in america, in AMERICA. and these people who whisper "jews" are literally people who have no opinions of their own. when they see my family and kids, they probably say "jews" too. GOOD. BECAUSE I WANT MAY KIDS TO BE AS DEFIANT OF THIS MAN-MADE WORLD AS THE JEWS ARE.

in the south, when i used to live in north carolina, i used to listen to jewish kids talk about wanting to be rich and make money. i used to think that he was subscribing to a jewish stereotype, but you know, there's not that much for a minority to do in america. i want to get rich, as rich as possible so i don't have to have dumb conversations with americans about the same things over and over again. I want to get rich so i don't need other people so i can think clearly by myself. but there's a sense in america that america has got spirituality all figured out and absorbed the knowledge of Joseph Campbell and jewish mystics. american churches assume that spirituality is all about meditation and prayer, but spirituality should make the spirit full with pleroma so that your imagination and soul are full of spiritual light. but no, american churches don't want to hear this, and they make the church into another intellectual learning center, and God forbid that the church has an actual experience of God. so we minorities need to focus on making money.

reverends at various churches are amazed at the ability of jews to make money. they are amazed because of all the christian blocks they put so that jews cannot make much money are so easily removed by jews. of course, jews cheat at times. who wouldn't. but jews work hard, smart, and know how to politic. they have the knowhow of how the world works. they are able to succeed because of this.