Underneath the Mask

Laughter erupted from the classroom as the teacher looked inside.
Inside she could see the culprits, and it was just who she expected.
There stood Ryan surrounded by a group of his friends who were laughing
at his previous antics, whatever that was.
'Sit down Ryan.' Mrs Longe spoke with a friendly authority, she had
learned early on in the year that Ryan was the class clown, and even
the fact that it was last lesson and everyone was tired would not
dampen his spirits.
'Sorry Miss.' Ryan spoke with a calm, innocent voice. He wasn't a
trouble maker, he just liked making people smile.
Mrs Longe began her English lesson amongst giggles from anyone sitting
near Ryan, but she was used to it.
All through her lesson Ryan was making jokes, pulling faces, adding
witty comments to what ever Mrs Longe was talking about. She just gave
him a withering look and carried on.
At the end of the lesson everyone left and Ryan walked over to the
Maths department to meet his girlfriend, Hannah. He had to wait a while
because the teacher had asked her to stop in and help her on a project.
Why he waited him played a song through his head and hummed
subconsciously.
After about 10 minutes she came out and they walked out of school hand
in hand. Ryan only lived about 10 minutes walk from the school so there
conversation wasn't very long or deep. They just gabbled about the
day's events and what they were going to do this weekend. They parted
company at Ryan's gate, gave each other a kiss n said they would see
each other tomorrow.
This was the part of the day Ryan hated most. Coming home. From
outside his house looked just like any other, nice, clean, respectable.
But if anyone in the outside world got even a glimpse of what went on
inside this house, they would have the shock of their lives.
Ryan entered the house and immediately he heard a smash and a scream.
He tried to make a dash upstairs before any noticed he had come home,
but as he reached the foot of the stairs his Dad came bounding out of
the kitchen, his hand in a fist and his knuckles were red. His eyes
were blood shot and his pupils were wide. Ryan guessed what his dad had
spent his day doing.
'Where the bleedin 'ell 'av you been?' asked his father as he stumbled
down the hall, fist still clenched.
'School' said Ryan in a trembling voice
'Liar' His dad retorted 'You 'avv been off with that little tart I saw
you wiv at the gate aven't ya?'
'No Dad, I have been at school all day.' Ryan began to back away from
his dad as his dad got nearer to him.
The confident boy all the teachers new at school, the kid all the
students went to when they needed a laugh or a chat was lost, and in
his place was a frightened little 15 year old boy who longed for some
security, some normality, and above all, some love.
But instead of al that he got the back of his dad's fist and an
accusation of being a filthy liar. The knock knocked him to the floor
and he desperately crawled across the hall into the living room to get
away from his dad but his dad just followed him saying the fact he was
running away proved his guilt.
'No dad I swear I've been at school all day, I swear' Ryan was almost
screaming now as his dads foot kicked him in the rib. All of a sudden
his mom appeared in the door way, her eye was raised and red and her
jaw was bleeding. Ryan saw her shoot him a sympathetic look. He knew
she couldn't do anything but he still felt resentment towards her for
not getting them both out of there. This was his Hell.
His dad kicked him a few more times, amidst telling him he was
worthless and would never get out of here. Ryan feared for his life,
but he could not fight back. Despite all the things his dad had done to
him during the years, he could bring himself to raise his hand to his
dad. It was wrong.
Eventually the phone rang and Ryan's dad left Ryan to answer. Ryan
grabbed his chance and ran up the stairs to his room
He sat on his bed and gathered himself together. His hands were shaking
violently and his eyes stung from crying. He could taste the blood in
his mouth. He felt around the inside of his mouth and counted 4 cuts.
Each bleeding heavily. Then he went to his mirror and looked at his
face. His jaw was swollen, no bruise yet but the blood had ran down his
chin and stained his white shirt. He ran his finger down the blood
stain and then undid his shirt buttons, flinching as he did so.
Opening his shirt he saw bruises had already begun to form around his
ribs. Breathing caused him pain in his chest so he guessed something
was wrong there. But there was nothing he could do. If he went to the
doctors they would call his parents and then he would be in for even
worse.
He sat on the edge of his bed and sat. Just sat for half an hour, not
thinking of anything. He was almost in a hypnotic state. Not
functioning.
Then all of a sudden he got up, went to his desk and began his
homework. Downstairs there were shouts and screams. Ryan went and put
his headphones on, he needed to concentrate. Maths was not his easiest
subject.
After his homework was done he went back over to his bad, pulled a box
from underneath his bed and took out a razor blade. He looked at it for
a while. It was band new and shining, reflecting the sun shining in
through the window.
He rubbed his finger down the edge of the blade and it sliced his
finger. Not a lot, just a little bit the relief was amazing. The feel
of the pain, if only slight made him feel comfortable and relived. He
watched the blood dribble down his finger but didn't wipe it away, it
was his friend.
Then he took the blade and made a larger cut just above his wrist. It
stung a lot, but he was used to that, this wasn't the first time he had
done something like this. He had been doing it for a couple of years
now.
The blood ran from his arm and trickled down his wrists then dripped
off the tips of his fingers, he watched it intently and embraced the
pain. This was his release, this was his escape. The pain distracted
him from thinking about his Dad or anything else. Just the pain.
Pain.
It took over him and nothing else was there. Just him and the blade.
He cut again and again, each time getting deeper and longer, as if the
pain gave him the courage to do more. He smiled as the blood
flowed.
For a second he thought about moving down to his wrists, but he didn't
want that. That would be noticeable and he didn't want to do any
permanent damage. He just needed to get the release that this gave
him.
After a short while, he wiped the blade on his black trousers and put
the blade back. He sat up and admired his handy work. Blood still came
quite heavily but not enough to make a mess. He lay back on the bed and
began to think up a reason for the bruises on his face.
Then next morning on the way to school he met Hannah again and they
began the journey to school.
'What happened to your face?' asked Hannah concerned. Ryan looked back
at his house, then looked at Hannah and smiled.
'Well I went to the shop for my mom last night and a gang of jerks from
the other estate were there mouthing off?????????????..

The End