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I am an Evangelical
A vicar, bald and spherical
I only get hysterical
When others aren't like me.

They say I'm fundamental
But it's just coincidental
And I'll only be judgmental
If you tend to disagree.

I think it's diabolical
To say that every follicle
Is only metaphorically
Numbered on one's head

It's written down in scripture, see,
I've read it quite habitually
If you don't take it literally
Your'e spiritually dead.

However, when you come to pray
Don't shut the door and hide away
You have to bellow night and day
In front of everyone.

I know the bible doesn't state
That's how we should communicate
But that bit must be out of date
That's how it's always done.

Now, if you'd like to start anew
And join our little chosen few
It's simple, all you have to do
Is turn away from sin.

Forget your life, ignore your friends
And in the end you will be cleansed
Of everything I find offends
And then I'll let you in.