Hamster and Thatcher (deceased) - The two child benefit cap

Starmer and Thatcher – benefit

Sir Keith Hamster, newly-elected Labour Prime Minister, is keen to re-shape socialism for the 21^st century, but none of the policy wonks in his party share his vision. Luckily, he has a secret policy advisor that nobody else can see or hear: the ghost of Margaret Thatcher.

Sir Keith arrived at No. 10 for his second day as Prime Minister to find his official Policy Advisor, Jeff Feckland already, at his desk.

“This is a big day, Sir Keith,” said Feckland. “The first full day of parliament under a Hamster government. The first debate is on child poverty. This is a chance to make a real difference and scrap the Tory-Dem two child benefit cap and lift 300,000 children out of poverty.”

At that moment, Lady Thatcher chose to appear, though of course she could only be seen by Sir Keith, with whom she showed a special attachment. 

“We should back the workers and not the shirkers,” said Lady Thatcher. “It is not the job of the state to hand over hard-earned money to those that refuse to work.”  

“We should back the workers and not the shirkers,” said Sir Keith. “It is not the job of the state to hand over hard-earned money to those that refuse to work.”  

“But Sir Keith,” said Feckland, “Over 60% of those hit by the cap are in work. If we truly want to tackle child poverty …” Sir Keith interrupted.

“Oh yes, I’m laser-focused on tackling poverty.”

“Then just remove the cap on benefits for more than two children in a family. It won’t just lift 300,000 children out of poverty, it will be good for the economy. Poorer families not only spend more of their income, and are more likely to spend it locally. This is exactly the boost the economy needs to induce growth.”

“I’m sorry,” said Sir Keith, “But I need that money for my big plan to introduce identity cards.”

“But Sir Keith, that’s a total waste of money. People already have ID, it doesn't require a big-state intervention to prove they exist.”

“I agree,” said Lady Thatcher. “Personal liberty and freedom outweigh all other considerations. The state cannot be trusted with that level of power over the individual.”

“I disagree,” said Sir Keith. “It’s important for the state to have total authority to tackle crime and disruption.”

“Even if you want to keep the cap,” said Feckland, “I’m afraid that a lot of our MPs will vote against it. Why, even Suella Braverman and Nigel Farage are against it.”

“You’re wasting your time talking to Sir Keith,” said Lady Thatcher. “I try to act as a moderating voice, bringing harmony where there is discord, but I’m afraid Sir Keith is just too far gone.”

“Are you done? Said Hamster. “I don’t care how stupid the policy, how unpopular, how counter-productive, the left wingers are against it so I’m in favour.”

“But Sir Keith,” said Feckland, “Suppose you applied that to every issue, why, you’d end up saying that the left are against launching nuclear war on France so I’m in favour.”

“Now that I agree with,” said Lady Thatcher.

“Now that I agree with,” said Sir Keith.  “Have we got enough nukes to launch now?”