How Many Times Did God Make Light?
By thenextbigauthor
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Professor Cramwell would continue doing his thing with gusto until one was horrified to the bones.
There were only two Bible books that he did not like to recite: Exodus and Joshua. The reason was that he did not believe the oversimplification of the dividing of the Red Sea and the Jordan River. He believed that the Israelites crossed a Reed Sea—a shallow marsh known to Moses but now nonexistent—not the big Red Sea.
He also believed that they walked on a frozen River Jordan to reach the Promised Land, not a literal flowing river. That belonged to the realm of higher criticism which he taught only advanced students.
The Bible, thought the professor, was such a difficult book to teach to students. Like telling them that manna used to fall from heaven. Just like that! He would actually have liked it to continue falling so that he wouldn’t have to lecture and sweat before students to survive.
He always told his students, “If you believe the Bible book of Genesis, you will believe anything.”
It often made him wonder why God punished Adam and Eve for simply sharing a fruit. Did they even finish eating the fruit? Then for eating that one fruit, God visited the world with a plethora of problems.
When Professor Cramwell wanted to set the class afire, he would ask the students the questions: “Why did God plant a forbidden tree in the Garden of Eden?” “Why did He even reveal the death-sentence tree to them?” “Why did He permit Satan to deceive Adam and Eve using the snake?” “Why did Eve and Adam believe a talking snake when no snake had ever spoken to them before in the Garden?”
And the class would rock back and forth with fierce arguments for and against God.
Cramwell would fold his hands, listen to the students’ debate, and shake his head at the end. The first questions in the Bible started from the first book—from Genesis!
Then one day he finished reciting the Bible book of Genesis chapter 1 and asked the students: “How many times did God make light?”
“Once,” the students quickly answered.
“Read Genesis chapter 1 verses 3 and 14 carefully in your bibles,” he said.
They opened their copies of King James bibles and read.
“I now ask you all again: How many times did God make light?” the professor said.
The students hesitated.
“Twice,” they reluctantly replied.
“Reconcile your conflicting answers,” Professor Cramwell told them.
The students searched their interlinear and parallel bibles and made comparisons in vain.
“We are lost, Prof.,” they said.
He told the students it was once, and explained the right Hebrew words stumping the translators for “light” in the two troubling verses. He said that the mistranslation arose because of lack of understanding of Hebrew semantics for light.
And all the students hailed Professor Cramwell. Then to test their comprehension of the lecture, he asked them, “How many times did the Israelites cross the Red Sea?”
“Once,” they chorused without thinking.
Then the professor asked them to read Exodus chapter 14 verse 22 and compare it with Numbers chapter 33 verse 10.
The students again consulted their King James bibles.
“Now, how many times did the Israelites cross the Red Sea?” Professor Cramwell asked.
None of the students uttered a word. They all looked at one another. How many Red Seas were they? That was the big assignment!
His students liked the entertainment. So powerful was the professor’s ability to memorize the Scriptures that he came to be fondly called a Walking Bible.
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