Peak of Peace

By threeleafshamrock

Tue, 14 Jul 2009
  • 2403 reads
9 comments
 

From the top of the mountain
the lakes looked like rain pools;
the sailing boats like confetti
scattered across blue diamonds

As I stood digitally memorizing,
an eagle bounced on invisible currents
admiring the valley; seeking lunch,
unaware of its own magnificence.

Certificate U
Poem
shamrock's ramblings
Spiritual

Comments

Submitted by pinda on
Wow, very descriptive piece.Almost made me think I was next to the eagle. Well done Chris MY TIP- Just what I reckon. The first three verses are great. The layout,description and overall vibe of the scenery. The last verse is great and sums up the meaning of the peice and title.The eagle stands out from the whole poem try making the last verse stand out as equal as the eagle or greater. Lol what I just wrote seemed very hard to understand, I'm sure you will get what I meant. Overall great work, if you left it how it is it would still me incredible. Pinda x

Submitted by sarah wilson on
"As I stood digitally memorizing, an eagle bounced on invisible currents admiring the valley; seeking lunch, unaware of its own magnificence." I love this verse - one in a very fine poem Chris. The last line of this verse is my favourite and so true. Lovely! sarah x

Submitted by whiskey on
Really lovely work, Chris.The second stanza is especially captivating. :-)

Submitted by threeleafshamrock on
Thanks Pinda for taking the time. I know what you mean about the last verse and I nearly left it out altogether (I might come back tomorrow with fresh eyes and see what can be done). I find it is better to sleep on it sometimes cos I tend to make rash decisions then regret them afterwards - in regard to the work, I mean. Thanks for the words ;)

Submitted by threeleafshamrock on
Thanks Sarah, they are such majestic creatures and in their natural habitat they seem like kings. Chris XX

Submitted by threeleafshamrock on
Thanks whiskey, your turning out some class stuff yourself lately ;) Chris XX

Submitted by threeleafshamrock on
Taken out the last (4th) stanza as it seemed superfluous. Think it is better; any views welcome ;)

Submitted by whiskey on
I like it; works well.:-)

Submitted by threeleafshamrock on
Have taken out 3rd verse too. I am getting good at trimming (have Ewan to thank - much appreciated)and things are starting to look better for it; more succinct. Is it too much whiskey or anyone?