Side Effects

I don’t see firm breasts no more than I see loose ones and I don’t see a tight ass no more than I see a soft one no all I see is a naked woman maybe one who allowed me to make her naked undress her uninhibited her because willing exposure is your greatest gift and weapon woman you choosing you exposing yourself with silent consent yeah get her to laugh and she will kiss you and get her to anticipate a kiss goodnight and she will admit you damn all thing pristine she thinks she wants to be a virgin born anew until she feels your hand on the small of her back and wishes it will go low low lower and she understands the possession understands that she is possessed by the obsession of her body and her subtle swift her quiet shift her understated thrust her teasing if I must and she must take the seat that is pulled out for her and she must accept what is ordered on her behalf because he knows her diet he knows she is light on carbs and heavy on protein and this means that he knows her functions her injunctions and predilictions and these include her sensitive spots on spots and places on places and oh no don’t kiss me there or over here or everywhere or nowhere she understands and relents and invited as incites hardness with contingency and yet she is the demure one the marginalized one the one who must be protected for she is the one always threatened with my height above hers and my weight more than hers and my adamant whatever it is  so she invites and incites and then demands romantic cessation as if it’s all about her determination of penetration and I relent to her consent and resent her ownership of body her authority of autonomy because I paid for everything before and this woman on the cusp of a being a whore wants to make demands to suspend virile demands as if she’s got the strong hand when she is outweighed and outheighted and both of these outnesses can suffocate obliterate terminate her because all he has to do is get on top of her on top and pressed down down pressed on top and down and pressed and down down down and pressed on top and pressed pressed pressed down with his weight that outweighs her with his height that out talls her with his demands that out demands her because he is he and she is she and she started it with a smile and winking and smiling and softening and inviting and then suddenly oh no that’s not what she meant fucking cunt and then he’s down on her he’s down on all reclusive whores who pretend masquerade say they want a gentleman and when a gentle man respons she is suddenly a harlot far beyond his gentleness and then the accusation of being less than anything a man can be and out comes the weapons that is of his body part of his body and his body assassinates her throat her breathing her all being with the weapons that are his hands ain’t that the way it gonna happen, man?  Intimate hard heavy determined.  You will be on top.  Women kill with instruments.  Men kill with their bodies against the bodies of women.  We use our more tallness and our outweighness to make her suffocate beneath our taller heavier sex.  Men use their bodies as instruments.  Women use their bodies as factories.  Shut down the factory.  Shut it down and shut her up.  With your height above her and your weight more than hers.  The top of her head comes to your shoulders even her blink is lighter than the heaviness of your own lids and so we must carry on with a how was your day sweetheart and wait for the response of fine just fine and then after hours pass and the heat tokes and she retires and you surmise her and use your hands weapons because it’s so easy so easy because she’s weighed down by your weight more than hers and there’s the squeeze squeeze tight tighter the tightest squeeze of life out of her via her throat and now you are 

    Thad . . . why are you staring at me like that?

    Because he loves me he loves me and he needs me more than he loves me and love only underlines need and need overpowers everything soft all things inviting and patting and hugging and if only I could hug him envelope him in a letter of betterness because what he’s been through is bad and what he’s come home to is better but it should be better than that yes it should be the most betterness of the world our world of a shared home of a promise of marriage of a thrusting of bodies and sweating of promises made under dubious promises of keeping them and then there’s his aftermath that forever follows after him in a mathematical conundrum of penetration to protetct of protection requiring penetration of hugging without fostering of kissing without nurturing of sexing together in sex without togetherness and there it is isn’t it the woman and he man the male and the female the XX and the XY always the Y WHY WHy Why?  Why can’t he be a boy a safe and comfortable boy who doesn’t know the difference between violence and solitude who doesn’t know that there is a difference and what difference between the soft ass-patting and the hard sex purging of who knows what and it isn’t my fault so why should he stare and stare and stare as if he’s waiting anticipating expecting some kind of threat that must be preempted yes that’s his new style of life yes he is forever preempting and tempting with those damn staring brown eyes and the taunting cinch of his lips yes but from them now comes only aggressive softness I am gentle I am soft I am soft I am gentle he declares with aggression and expects my submission through it all and here we sit and there he stares and 

    Em . . . why are you smiling at me like that?