Love & War

 
A man is like a wooden plank floor. If you nail him properly at the start
you can walk over him the rest of your life.
 
When do you know that you have mastered the art of masturbation?
When you start whispering your own name.
 
This one guy's wife was trying to bust him with his trousers down all the time. One day she just cracked up and lost it. Yes, he said he was also tired of it. He would take the buggy and surfboard, and the tent and air mattress. She could have the the house, the PC and TV, his collection of Playboys and the electric blanket. And they lived happily ever after.
 
“I want to introduce you to a girl but she says she doesn't think she'll like you
because she only likes rich men.”
James kicking in the sand looks up
“Has she got nice tits?”