Never Complain To Mama

Never Complain To Mama

When I was about three years old we lived on an Island. We had to take
a boat and cross a chute to get to the other side for supplys. Daddy
took my older Sister and me with him, tied the boat to a tree, and told
us to sit there he would be right back. She was six years old and left
there to watch me.

I fell out of the boat and almost drowned. Daddy ran back and pulled me
out, as I was going down for the third time. He caught me by laying
flat down on the huge barge that was anchored beside us, and grabbing
my hair. Had I went under that barge I would not be here today.

I don't remember any of that happening to me. I may have blocked it out
as traumatic as that was, it's bound to leave some kind of mark on you.
I remember every thing else after that, like standing on a chair to dry
dishes by the light of the kerosene lamp. The smell of the wood burning
at the saw mill. The night my Daddy put cellophane on the cats feet, to
show us what a good dancer it was.

Then Daddy and my Uncle got together to kill the hog that we had in the
pen. I helped to slop this hog, feed it corn, and thought it was a pet,
I never knew they were going to kill it. They shot it in the head
several times, said they are very hard to kill. Hoisted it up and
dipped it into a fifty five gallon drum of really hot water, to soften
the hair so it could be scraped off.

Back up in the air now they slit the hog down the middle and caught the
insides, in a pan on the ground. A big black kettle with a fire under
it was used to render the fat, this is what we used to cook with. They
would stir it once in a while with a big stick. My Aunt and Mama made
sage sausage, salted hams, chopped meat, dividing the kill all day
long.

Right after that I went crazy, With the talk of having to start school,
never being around any other kids except family members, and not
knowing what school was, threw me right over the edge. I think almost
drowning, watching them kill the hog, and school was just too much at
once. I couldn't handle it.

Nobody told me what school was all about. They said your going and
that's all there is to it. I was so afraid. Loosing teeth, natural
enough, now pains all over, especially in my right arm. My wrist was
surley falling off. When I moved my arm up and down my wrist would flop
around. Crying to Mama about this did no good at all. My sisters not
knowing any better would grab my arm and shake it just to show her it
was falling off.---- Lord what am I going to do with you. You better
stop this crazy stuff now and I mean now she said

How do you stop it? It was very real to me. The feeling of terror never
left me. Mama not knowing what to do with me, went to her Father who
always had all the answers.-- Grovers Chill Tonic he told her, every
time she comes to you complaining, give her a big tablespoon of that,
followed by a spoon of Cod Liver Oil. That should do it.

One day Mama sent me to get a bucket of water at the pump. I was trying
to move the handle up and down with my left hand, It took forever to
get enough water this way. I pulled the tail of my dress through the
bail of the bucket and was trying to carry it with my teeth, and here
came Mama.

Enough is enough she said, grabbing the bucket, she threw it to the
ground. Opening the bottle of Chill tonic you could smell it already,
like rotting flesh and vomit mixed. It had big chunks of something in
it. The taste is undescribable. It's not going down I can't swallow it,
oh yes you can and if you throw it up, there's more where that came
from. Now the Cod Liver Oil. This went on until I didn't complain
anymore. I think something inside me died, if fact I'm sure it
did.

I finally got an illiness that was real to them Rheumatic Fever when I
was five. I lived over that and got stronger in body, and in mind.
Sometimes even today when I get wierd feelings, think I'm loosing it. I
shake my right arm and watch my wrist flop, my mind slips back into the
track again.

I know that all I probably needed was love and affection, and to be
able to tell someone that I was afraid. Most of all I needed
reassurance that there was a loving adult in charge, so I need not fear
anything. These feelings that I had did not stop with me. There are a
lot of kids out there that are afraid, watch their eyes, give them a
hug, It'll be alright.