Oscar

“Oscar, I haven’t been faithful”

Maria expected to feel bad - ashamed even - but she didn’t. She was filled instead with polar opposite emotions: pride, happiness.

Oscar searched for words, but failed.

  “Did you hear that?!” Maria could be stopped no more, “In Amsterdam I lived, I was free..

I was ME!”

  “You have a life here, though!” Oscar finally opened his mouth, not because he wanted to, but because the situation demanded it. All he wanted was to stop time and live in a land of happiness where no one lies to him. It was a desperate attempt to cherish all the last bits of his dignity. Like a child who drops his box of legos, grabbing and snatching through the air at random.

“Not anymore.”

Both stared at the other, like they had done when they were younger and still in love. But neither was in love anymore. The fire had burnt out and could no longer be rekindled. Oscar could not forgive her, nor did she want him to.

Without a word or mumble Maria opened the door which she had not even fully closed yet and left. Out of their apartment and thus out of Oscar’s life. Forever, for good.

The time had moved on, Oscar couldn’t.

  Sorrow and empty beer cans, this was the setting of Oscar’s weekend. Women fall back on eating ice cream and watching soppy movies during times like these, this was a luxury not afforded to Oscar. Getting ice cream would require him to visit the local shop. When he did, the blue light of the 24-hour deli reminded him of Maria’s eyes that one time they visited her parents. The grey of the pavement reminded him of that shirt she wore. The red on the tiled roof of the bank reminded him of that lipstick she hated.

  Crippled, Oscar lay on the floor of the street just outside his apartment building, caring not about the massive scene he had just created but about his loneliness. He was alone, no one loved him, no one needed him! Not even he himself found a use for his existence. Who was he?

  Oscar is on his apartment floor, which hasn’t been cleaned in weeks. Maria always cleaned the apartment for them. The beer can carpet was still a prominent piece of furniture, cleaning it would be accepting her absence.

  Oscar’s boss - who had probably fired him by now - called. Oscar didn’t even bother pressing the “dismiss” button on the phone. He had to get over this at some point, now was evidently not the time.

  Although alcoholism was never Oscar’s thing, it suited him well. As long as he kept his mind numb, it wouldn’t hurt so bad.  Oscar no longer consumed alcohol, it consumed him.

  He dreaded the almost daily trip to the liquor shop. Not just the fear of being judged, but the fear of his savings one day giving up on him, just like everything else in life has. Oscar, was now surrounded by disappointments and the only way to fish himself out of this mess was to get back out there. Social interactions; they were scarier than the loneliness.