Music

The music tinkles on and on,
My head in my arms, I wish it would stop.
Safe, kind darkness, yet pain in the way,
Safe, kind darkness, I'm all on my own.
For most, the music is kind and soft.
For me it is brutal, for me it is harsh.
It kicks me in the stomach, makes me want to die,
It fills my heart with pain, and my eyes with tears.
Continuously playing, continuously chirping,
It continues, continues, continues to kill me,
In this silent world, the world of my pain,
The world of my life, the world of my sorrow.
Inspiration comes so difficultly here,
I don't think I know my own thoughts any more.
Every single night, my screams echo though,
'You won't take my mind, you won't take my soul!'
I scream to the music, scream though the pain.
Everything is different, nothing is the same,
Things have to change, not stay the same!
But the melody never changes, it always goes on,
It never changes, never changes, never stops.
I have to keep on telling myself,
Every single moment, of every single day,
'It won't change my mind, it won't change my soul,
It won't make me go mad in the depths of despair.'
But, even though I tell myself, make myself believe,
I don't think its true, I think I am slipping.
Worry pushes though from the back of my mind,
Adds to my pain, adds to my sorrow.
'If the music were to stop, it would be the silence?
The never-ending silence, the deafening silence.
No matter what happens, I am going to die,
Of this silent world, the world of my pain.'
I push these thoughts out of my mind, I tell myself again,
'It won't change my mind, it won't change my soul,
I won't go mad in these depths of despair.'
Doubt on top of it all will push me down,
Push me down into the clutches of madness,
The music echoes though my mind, sweeping in
The pain of others taunting and teasing,
When they are meant to be a friend, trustworthy and fair,
The sorrow of knowing, each and every day,
In each and every way, your on your own.
Though these thoughts, the music tinkles on.
Closing in the darkness, closing in the sorrow,
I can't move for darkness, pressing on my soul,
I can't move for despair, pressing on my spirit.
I am nearly dead in this world others have created,
Others have created in the hate of my soul.
Nobody notices, my breathing grows harsh.
Nobody notices, they leave me alone.
I try to shrug off my innocence, shrug off my care,
Try to like the solitude, try to like the music.
But the music keeps on going, each and every day.
No matter how I like it, no matter how I hate.
I stand up, and walk out, the music following in my ears.
My steps echo though the corridors of my mind.
Every single step I take feels like I walk,
On red-hot coals, on needle sharp nails.
I try to walk with confidence, but forever it is hard,
I try to make a smile, but I always laugh too much.
Suddenly the music comes deafeningly loud,
It hurts me, screams at me, makes me want to cry,
I run back to my room, back to safety, away from fear.
The music dies down, continuing to drown me,
In the tears of my soul, the tears of my spirit.
I sink back into pain, sorrow and grief.
And wait for someone to care,
And wait for someone to save.