Endless Hating

The fear is what I hate.
The helpless feeling,
The endless wait.
When will it be over?
No-one can tell me.
I am ashamed to feel this way.
The endless waiting,
The real self hating.

Will it be alright?
Again, no-one knows,
I am alone.
No-one knows my feelings,
I will not tell.
My own bitter sweet suffering.
I will not end it,
I need it, feel it, fear it.
The endless hating,
The real self hating.