Overheard in a Cemetery

Hello Jessie.

Ah've come bye tae see ye, jist like ah promised that morning when we
were pairted.

It's a braw day again, clear an' bricht. Jist as weel really - ah'm
getting faur too auld tae be spending time oot in the rain. It disnae
seem tae bother me quite as much as it used tae tho'.

Ah come oot this way maist mornings, jist tae staun' and look at ye.
Folk walk by, a' huddled up in their winter claes, but ah dae jist fine
in ma auld suit and waiskit. Ah bocht it fur oor Jimmy's weddin' - dae
ye remember? Ah wis as prood as punch that day. Ah ken ah wis a wee bit
stocious, but can a man no' have a wee drink when his boy gets
married?

It's awfa funny talking tae ye like this - me doin' a' the jabberin'.
It used tae be the ither way aroon. Dae ye remember?

Ah wish ye could see me. Ah've let masel go a wee bit noo that ye're
no' here tae watch me. Dae ye mind how ye' always used tae mak me wear
a shirt an' tie on a Sunday? Ah get by withoot wan noo. In fact, maist
Sundays ah don't even get as faur as wearing a semmit.

Hae ye still mind o' me? Dae ye even think o' me onytime? Ah hope ye
dae. I wouldnae like tae think that a' the years we had thegither were
wasted.

Whit aboot the lads? Have either o' them been tae see ye? No. I
suppose no'. They never bothered while we were thegither, so why should
they bother noo. Never mind hen. Ye've aye got me - ah'll aye be here -
every week - that's whit ah promised ye, and that's whit ye'll be
gettin'. Ah jist hope that ye ken how much this means tae me.

When ah'm here ah dinnae ken whit tae talk aboot. Ah feel that ah
should be comfortin' ye, but ah dinnae ken the words - ah never did. I
dinnae even ken if ye can hear me - I wis never in tae a' that Holy Joe
religious stuff.

Listen tae me - wafflin' on. That must be a shock tae ye. Ah think
ah've said mair already than ah did in that last year we were
thegither.

Ah loved ye Jessie.

There - ah've said it. When wis the last time afore that. Hae ye mind?
It wis oor John's wedding, an' ah only said it then because ye helped
me up the stair when ah wis fu'. Ah micht no' hae said it that often.
But ah thocht it. Nearly every day. Ye kent that - didn't ye?

Would ye look at this - a grown man wi' water leakin' oot fae his een.
There wis a time when ah would never let onybody see me greetin' in
public. Oh aye - a wis a hard man in ma day.

Ah never even shed a tear at ma mither's funeral - no a single wan.
But thinkin' o' whit it must be like for ye noo - that hurts me.

Ah miss ye Jessie.

Hae ye mind o' the day ah met ye? Ah must hae been quite a sicht in ma
demob suit an' trilby. It wis a good do though - yer Auntie Agnes's
wedding wis it no'?

Ah hae mind asking ye for a dance, and ma wee heart wis thumpin faster
than yon drummer. Ye were so wee that ma haunds went a' the way aroon
yer waist. My, but ye were a fine lookin' woman in yer day.

That's no' tae say that ye changed much. Tae me ye were always the
bonniest lassie in the toon, richt up until that last day.

A' the things ah've never telt ye - an' noo its too late. Ah wish ah'd
been a better man for ye. Ah wish we'd talked mair tae wan an' ither.
Ah wish ah hidnae got sae drunk sae many times. Ah wish for a' that,
but it disnae dae me ony guid. Does it?

Could ye no' say somethin'? Jist this wance? No. Ah suppose that would
be askin' too muckle - ye stopped really talkin' tae me years ago. Wis
it a' ma fault Jessie? Wis ah really sich a bad man tae ye?

Hae ye mind, jist after we were mairried, ye brocht me ma breakfast
when ah wis on nightshift - whether there wis snaw on' the groon' or
whether it wis lashin' wi' rain. Ye used tae stay up a' nicht jist so
that we could sleep thegither in the mornin'. Hae ye mind?

Like twa spoons in a drawer - that wis us. That auld bed wis hardly
big enough fur the twa o' us - but we didnae dae too badly - first John
then Jimmy. They lads could dae nae wrang in your eyes. Hae ye
mind?

Ah ken that ah wisnae a great faither but ah tried ma best. Ye let
then get away wi' faur too much - ye were too saft wi' them. Ah tried
tae tell ye - many a time, but ye always gave that look o' yours an'
did whit ye wanted onyway. Then ah wis always big bad Daddie when ah
had tae gie them a skelping. Ah hated hitting them, but it had tae be
done.

Neither o' them want tae ken me noo'. Oor John walked richt by me in
the street, He wis always a Mammy's boy onyway.

Ah remember the first fitba' match ah took him tae. There he wis,
sittin' on ma shoolders wi' his wee blue and white tammy on, bawlin' at
the top o' his voice. He wis happy that day- ah wis happy that day. But
look at him noo' - cannae even be bothered tae visit, swankin' aboot
the golf club, an' treatin' the puir lassies like shite.

An' whit aboot oor Jimmy. He's left Annie ye ken? Jist this mornin'.
Packed his bags and left her wi' the twa weans. Ah went roon tae see if
she needed onything, but she acts as if ah'm no even there.

Ma mither an' faither are jist ower there. He's no' speakin' - never
says a word, jist like when he wis alive. Dae ye ken he wance telt me
that the only guid thing ah ever did wis get married tae ye? He never
had ony time for me that man. Noo ma mither - there wis a fine woman.
She never said a word tae onybody without faither's permission when she
wis here, an' she's no' aboot tae start noo.

Ah'm awfu lonely. Ah spend maist o' ma time jist wanerin' aboot the
toon .There's no' many folk left o' oor age noo, an' ah micht as weel
be invisible for a' onybody cares.

Why did ye never talk tae me aboot that ither man? Whit were ye feart
of? Did ye think ah micht hit ye? Ye ken ah only did that for yer ain
guid - tae stop ye steppin' oot o' line. That wis always the problem.
Love honour and obey ye said - why wis that sich a problem?

Noo that ah think aboot it, ye were sneakin' roon ahint ma back for
month's - were ye no'? Ye and that fancy man o' yours. It's jist as
weel that Tommy telt me aboot it when he did - ye micht hae made a
complete fool o' yerself wi' that man.

Ah didnae mean tae pit him in the hospital - it wis jist that when ah
saw ye wi' him ah got sae angry ah couldnae think. So ah hit him - jist
the wance. Ah had tae dae it - dae ye understaun' that?

Besides - if ye'd talked tae me aboot it afore, things micht hae been
different noo'.

Ah miss ye Jessie. Ah ken we used tae shout at each ither a' day, an
ah ken ye didnae like me drinking. But when ah opened ma een that
mornin' and looked doon at the bed ah bawled like a wee wean.

A' they folk comin' in through the hoose and there ah wis, sittin' by
the fire, sitting and thinkin' aboot the auld days.

Whit happened tae us? That first nicht, at Agnus's wedding, ma hale
life stretched oot afore me. Ah could see me, you an' the weans in a
wee but and ben in the country, wi' the weans looking after us till we
got auld and grey. Whit happened tae that dream Jessie?

Why did ye dae it?

Ma auld bones are gettin' cauld - ah'd better be going. Ah havenae
been feelin' too guid recently - the cauld's gettin' tae me mair the
longer ah wait here.

But ah have tae come. Because maybe wan o' these days ye micht talk
tae me, and ah'd gie onythin' tae hear yer voice again. Ye believe that
- don't ye Jessie?

Ah'll be back next week, but it's getting harder a' the time. Maybe
we'll be thegither again afore too long.

Would ye like that Jessie?

Or would ye be thinkin' o' that last dinner ye made me?

Ye didnae mean tae poison me.

Did ye Jessie?