RB

The night was cold as she walked out of the dorm. Each step proved more difficult than the last. The car wasn’t far, but it seemed like it took her forever to get there. Fumbling with the keys in her frozen hands, she unlocked the car, opened the door, and slouched down into the car. She dropped the keys in the passenger seat and closed the door. The tears immediately began to flow. She sat in the darkness by herself and simply let the tears roll down her face. Ten minutes passed like this before she moved again. She pulled her phone from her pocket and scrolled through the many contacts that were listed. Name after name, not a single one prompted her to call for help.

#

Sitting at her desk, she stared at the screen, oblivious of what was on it.

            “Hey, are you alright?”

            “Oh, um, no but I don’t know,” She hesitated to say.

            “Do you want to talk about it?” Her roommate pressed.

            “I don’t know. I mean… there’s nothing to talk about.” She racked her brain for what to say.

            “What’s up? Can I help somehow?”

            “I, just, I don’t know-“ frantically looking around for something, she searched for some kind of answer, “I don’t know.” The tears appeared again. 

#

The rain felt like a blanket over the school. She walked through the door to her room. There was no way to tell what was rain and what were tears. Fortunately her roommate was gone. She dropped her wet bag on the floor by her messy desk and stripped her soggy jacket off. She draped it on the plastic desk chair and crawled into her bed, getting under her two favorite blankets.  Her hair was drenched and it soaked through her pillow. Motionless, she lay in her bed.

#

            “School is fine. My classes are pretty interesting this semester so homework isn’t so horrible to get done. I feel a bit more motivated than last year.” She sat alone outside on the phone.

            “That’s great! This semester will be good for you.  You need a break,” her mom said. Her voice sounded distant from the speakerphone.           

            “Yeah, I suppose so,” she barely agreed. “I have work pretty soon, so I need to get going.”

            “Alright sweetie, I love you! Thank you for calling me.” Her mom said graciously.

            “Yeah, you’re welcome. I love you too.” She sighed and tossed her phone into her bag. She got up and walked on towards the cafeteria.  

#

She lies in her bed in the dark, eyes closed but minds wide-awake. Memories flash in her head and there is no way to stop it. Again, like an unstoppable force, the tears begin to flow. They rise from under her closed eyes and begin to pool on her cheeks. As they continue on, they fall down her face. Nothing can be done but to wait this pain out. Night after night. Day after day. With each new sunrise comes another chance to see a new rock bottom.