Temptress

I really love this poem Beeme, especially the third stanza with its rich imagery. I just think it could benefit from slightly shorter sentences by changing some of your commas to full stops. For example, I would change the first stanza to: 'This is our last embrace. Enough of our time has been spent dreaming of a perfect tomorrow.' I just think it gives each word more meaning when the reader has time to pause ;) But again, really good poem! Magic xxx

I think it definitely reads better ;) Just to be annoying - I would put a comma here: 'In the mirrors your deceit blends into your own reflection, somehow no regret stirs within you.' You really do continue to improve Beeme so you should never doubt your work ;) Magic xxx

Magic is right, Beeme. You really do write well and getting better and better. These are my favourite lines:- "...your deceit blends into your own reflection, somehow no regret stirs within you." Very well done;-) Tina xx

Beeme this is great! well done the verse: This is our last embrace, enough of our time has been spent in dreaming of a perfect to-morrow. forgot to say mention on here under poem. t.cook for the thanks of you Oh! it's under the story of "The Mangle Mess Of Some Of Life's Experiences" at bottom. ok. "Beeme" and Silver-spun-sand and all poets and story tellers who read it.1st cherry ever but only jotted it in 5 minutes! Borders. The paper puts poem's in when space of others as well, no I send off usually week or so I given up.month. very dizzy to-day but we all got out later cream tea not a success! 4 of us. at Tea rooms. Well to-day surprise for me month ago paper I email put "Angel Face" got 1st Cherry high readings my poem and neighbour read said will it be in, and it was in there yesterday almost birthday present to-day same as late "Princess Diana" buried, and mine took me London see flowers etc. then and I then went on at time candle vigil Brighton.Wonderful person.Princess Diana. Hope your well.One of presents daughter and hubby was a black T'shirt cat of great big "Green Eyes" just like my poem on here but small hubby 16 stone don't laugh has put it on stretch. julie xx (-: