Benighted marriage

By Beeme

Mon, 23 Aug 2010
  • 4521 reads
19 comments
 

Benighted,the
black cages
in my stomach
rise, trying to
contain the
remainder of
my feelings
for you.

You left my
body, an empty
casket. A cold
and fragile
canvas, covered
in your graffiti;
your lies.

I'm scarred and
pushed too far.
People stare,
attempt to
analyse,
understand,
but they can't.

I need a passer
by, to pick up
my ring, which
has fallen to the
ground, as my
hand hangs
limply.Symbolising
my agonising
commitment to
you.

Certificate 12
Poem
Love

Comments

Submitted by Highhat on
Your poems are wonderful ;)Thanks for the enrichment.

Submitted by Beeme on
wow, Highhat. Thank you for such a lovely compliment! I'm very happy you enjoyed my poems, thats all the poet can ask for, and more. Beeme xx

k.

Submitted by Highhat on
don't mention it ;D

Submitted by Beeme on
;D

k.

Submitted by MistakenMagic on
Hello Beeme! I really love this one - as you know, I've always been a sucker for your love poetry! The lines about the graffiti did jar with me a bit and I wonder if you would consider: 'You left my body, an empty casket. A cold and fragile canvas, covered in your false graffiti.' or 'You left my body, an empty casket. A cold and fragile canvas, covered in your graffiti; your lies. But this is a really great poem and I love the short-line structure too ;) Magic xxx

 

Submitted by Beeme on
Thank you Magic. I like your re-edit ideas, the second one worked for me, thank you for the advise and taking the time :) . I'm really glad you enjoyed ;) Beeme xx

k.

Submitted by darkenwolf on
another great poem; well done! ;)

Submitted by Beeme on
Thank you very much darkenwolf! Beeme xx

k.

Submitted by MistakenMagic on
As always, glad I could be of help, Beeme ;) Magic xxx

 

Submitted by Beeme on
:D Beeme xx

k.

Submitted by kheldar on
Great poem, enjoyed this one a lot. You're imagery is really good. David xx

cool

Submitted by Beeme on
Thank you very much David, I'm glad you enjoyed this one a lot ;) Beeme xx

k.

Submitted by Cavalcader on
new Beeme Hi! I enjoyed this very emotionally sad, but you explained it well. And I have learn't this morning, a new word Benighted to live in darkness, or over shadowed. Good poem Lost previous comment to you touched submit, lightly didn't go through. julie xx

Submitted by Beeme on
Hi Julie, I'm very happy you enjoyed. 'Benighted' is my new favourite word, its a great word isn't it? ;) Thank you for your lovely comments :) Beeme xx

k.

Submitted by Steve Button on
I like "agonising commitment" - been there and know what you mean!

 

Submitted by Beeme on
Thanks Steve, glad you could relate ;)

k.

Submitted by Nolan on
What have I got in my pocket?
 

Submitted by Highhat on
I bet you have Beeme's ring?

Submitted by Beeme on
? :D aha

k.