On to Edmonton
By Richard L. Provencher
Thu, 29 Dec 2011
- 1557 reads
6 comments
From Jasper BC
we leave vanilla-capped
mountains, rivers of
ice and not-so-shy
elk crossing highways
then landscape changes
to rangeland, cattle hooves
stretching
into faraway tree lines
of Birch and Poplar.
The asphalt roadway
travels east, on and
on, rolled humps of hay
awaiting usage, a
white-tail doe chasing
across our view; stepping
from my car, I inhale
Nature's scent.
© 2011 Richard L. Provencher
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Comments
You lucky lucky person that
You lucky lucky person that is what I dream of (not the car journey) but the environment. Leave out the last three words and this good poem becomes even better. Thanks for sharing.
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Great visual description
Great visual description with parred down imagery.
Half agree with scratch though. The last three words don't do anything and border a little on cliche. Alas if you take them away then for me the poem seems unfinished - as if you'd been called away halfway through writing it. A little bit more might not go amiss - especially if it's as good as what's there already.
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Richard the end is much
Richard the end is much better for the revision, these new words have got me thinking about you 'becoming part of Natures scent' perhaps and then this might echo your original sentiments (becoming 'at one with nature') just a thought on you already good poetry.
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