I'm So Miserable

I'm so miserable

I'm so miserable I've spent all day listening to Sparklehorse
I don't expect you to have heard of them
It's not like you're even *trying* to understand me
I'm so miserable I spent three days eating nothing
And then three days eating only Kinder Buenos
Dipped in soup
It's disgusting
But I had run out of peanut butter

I'm so miserable that today I have watched an animated gif online
Of a dog fucking another dog then puking right after
The dog being fucked then forgets its lover has been sick
And starts to eat it
And it didn't even raise a smile
Even if I watched it repeatedly, repeatedly
I just thought: "yeah
That's life alright, those dogs
Have got it so spot on"

I'm so miserable that today I thought about drinking battery acid
but it would probably like, really really sting?
just my luck that all methods of suicide
are generally sort of painful
and I can't afford the drugs for an overdose
not if I want to go to Glastonbury this year.

I'm so miserable that today I lost three consecutive games of Pictionary
Against myself
It's not my fault that all I could bring myself to draw
Were bleeding hearts and sad faces
Which, to be fair, do not describe the film: A Bug's Life
very accurately

I'm so miserable that last night I had a dream
That Robert Pattinson was asking me
If we could please just be good friends

I'm so miserable that I played a Jeremy Kyle drinking game today
Whenever someone says "you're not the real dad" or "where I come from" or "you lying bastard" or "you shouldn't have played with fire", I take a drink. Nobody compared anybody
To a Summer's Day
And I ended up very drunk, on white cider
Typical

I'm so miserable that today I wanted to paint a picture
But all of my tears ran into the paint
And so i painted with them
And then the painting was crying, too.

I'm so miserable that I have now been in bed for four hours
And for two of those hours I have been trying desperately to summon up the energy
To download American Psycho
And masturbate to it
Look, I'm fucked in the head. I don't expect you to understand that.

I'm so miserable that recently I forgot how to tell the time
I'm so miserable that I also forgot how to FEEL MY FEELINGS
So I listened to Echo by R Kelly over and over and over again
And cried, every time he sang the lyrics: "Sex in the morning sex all day"
Something about those lyrics really spoke to me
Because I am a person with too big of a heart
I didn't ask to be made this way
I'm so miserable that I am now living in the 18th Century.

I'm so miserable today I tried on all the clothes I already know are too small for me
Then I danced, crying, sexless, in my bedroom, to Never Had a Dream Come True by S Club 7. Well, it's true. I never even have.

I'm so miserable it feels like a porpoise has moved into my room and it just won't leave
I'm not supposed to know it's there or acknowledge its presence, but I have secretly called it Beauregard
And I start to wonder if we can be friends
Since I have like, NO FRIENDS. But just as I do,
He climbs to my roof and hurls himself off of it
And I fall to the floor and scream heavenwards:
"Oh Lord, why must you destroy everything I have loved?"
And I remembered Kurt Cobain, and Sylvia Plath, and Kenny Everett and oh my god, WHITNEY now, too?!
I'm like Forrest Fucking Gump
But I stopped running a long time ago
And today I remembered how Morrissey is racist
And PJ Harvey is a fox hunter

I'm so miserable that I just realised that Mother Nature is a bitch
Ever since the romantic poets I have hated that conniving dick-head
She does terrible things to our world
This is my world too, Mother Nature
And your Tsunamis are like selfish tears
Weeping senselessly onto our shores

I'm so miserable I don't even get the point of writing any more
So I wrote a letter to my agent
Telling her that I give up, and am joining a cult instead
I'm so miserable that she didn't even care
She just responded with "LOL Sian you're so weird"
And it was just like being back at school when nobody took me seriously
Because I was the last girl in class to get a bra

I'm so miserable that i'm even giving up this poem here
I can't do anything with it
all I can do is spew this dirge outwards from my dry and thin lips
like a disease
and tomorrow you will all wake up and make dartboards out of a picture of me
but you just won't have the energy to throw
because this is how miserable I've made you
and you're going to slink underneath your own bed just like I slink under mine
and you're going to start clinging onto yourself for dear old life
you'll stop being able to see or speak
because you're miserable now, like me

I'm so miserable I shower in the dark
and I'm sorry
for this,
for murders
for cancer
for 9/11

don't even look at me.
I can't bear for you to look at me.