Kissed away my death

I don’t remember the day I was born but sometimes when I see the photographs of my childhood, I get flashes of the days back then…. which I usually find hard to recall otherwise

Those different images bring with it a different world… so heavenly and divine..
My schooldays, when my mother used to oil my hair and part them sideways… I started hating the word 'oil' thereafter
I usually remember being a cute chubby kid and a "Satan" which was a complement to me then. there is not a single shot of me in my memory where I can’t see myself hopping around and laughing. (for proof you can have my smiling snaps)
This is something i wrote in the middle of the night of that "memorable day" and the drivers to writing were my early photographs, a pack of cigarettes, a matchbox and yes….a lot of tears…
As a child I never anticipated that I would become so ambitious and enthusiastic about my dreams…
Let’s say a literal 'dreamer' which included seeing myself on the surface of the moon… which I always thought was to become true someday…
The day wasn’t far and… yes this dream was fulfilled and I can never forget that very special 'memorable day' when those first impressions were made on the lunar sand… I turned around to look at the only living planet in the solar system… that’s how I started defining blue with life there were enormous things crippling inside me… the joy I never felt before erupted like a volcano which supposedly l was silent for a thousand years… succeeded by a fear…not to triple over the edge of the moon which my mother said was possible… and then the feeling of excitement overshadowed the rest…
I could see the stars at a close… the heaven and the planets… the blackness always… decorated by diamonds…
My mother once told me a story about the fairies and heaven… I believed then…as a child… I believed it now at this moment as a grownup…
I was always pondering over… watching bewilderment with excitement
My mother always told me about stars, and that god was out there somewhere very far away… but now i felt nearer…it was all but true. Everywhere I looked around was so real which I initially thought wasn’t or maybe just my mind playing games…
It was something my imagination never comprehended. Finally I decided to take a walk around to prove myself… but before…
Before…I could… I could take a walk around on the surface of the moon
Before… I took another step…
I pondered… i pondered.. Of what my mother said…realizing my loneliness at last…
I wished I had asked my mother to be here with me.
I always thought over and recalled of what my mother used say… but forgot my mother instead…
"My mother"
The sentence was complete now… and so was my thought…
But I…….
I felt incomplete… I always wanted to share every moment with her… see her smiling face… joy over my success and achievement… but…
She wasn’t here… rather down at the lively place… which i just began to thing was nothing more of a prison cell…
But to me, where she lived was heaven… and not these stars… and heavens I recently came across… and not this beauty of course…
Without wasting my time… at that moment i really wished to see my mother… and without much thought…jumped off from the surface of the moon towards my home… yes the colorful blue beneath…
Swimming through the darkness… distance was vast and discrete…
Ages passed… times flied… as I struggled…
And at last… I touched the sweet air with my lips……
But instead… I started falling downwards with my own weight… with no movements involved of my own
The crave to see my mother was deepened within… no death would defy it… unless life betrayed
I only realized through my fall… a span… and how soon i would be with my dearest mother… seeing the last glimpses of the vast oceans… and the expanse of land… i hit hard on the rocks beneath… something that took the soul out of me…
There was no pain… and just a taste of blood…
And lastly found myself grieving at my own grave…
I opened my eyes… on my bed… in a pool of sweat… the numbness still through me… like being paralyzed…
I would have laid there forever unless those horrific crying sounds would have untouched my ear drums
I moved to see a distant cousin of mine sobbing… upon asking the reasons for her disappointment she merely hugged my… I begged… but she hardly nodded… but those last murmuring words I heard from her changed my life…
She spoke "your mother is no more"
Well I never cried there…
I never cried the whole day…
There was lot of work at the funeral… and finally after the burial I got a peace of mind… the reasons being obvious
That night it was raining… I cried… throughout… the longest night I ever spent…

All I knew about my mother was standing by my side brushing away my sorrows and pain but now she just kissed away my death

Today people ask me why I don’t believe in dreams…
But i do… it’s just that… my loss was far more precious than dreams…
She was my mother… and yes she made me dream…
She died and my dreams perished...
Now I oil my hair regularly and part them sideways and polish my black shoes like my mother did before school…
I remember as a child I always told her I wanted to become a 'pilot' before learning to pronounce it correctly… I curbed that dream later on… as I was loaded with spectacles… and I know it wasn’t possible anymore…
But now I believe I can be one… not because I really can…
But because she always told me that I could fly