August Shadow (working title): Prologue
Here's the story summary:
Lia Grey is a spirited sixteen-year-old, an opinionated, fiery girl who couldn’t care the slightest about her town’s ridiculous ideas of the proper conduct of a woman. Despite the gossip about her reputation, she is content and happy with her life, her only concern being her arranged betrothal to the town’s young blacksmith, Mark Samuels. He adores her; she can’t stand him.
Then, one night, she is attacked by a patron of the tavern where she works, and the person she thought she was is destroyed. Torn apart by the experience and her emotions running wild, she turns to the comfort of a stranger, a man who isn't what she thought him to be.
Now, Lia must struggle through the trauma she has suffered and the consequences of the choices she has made.
This is the beginning of a book I've been working on for the past year and a half. I believe the book is almost complete aside from some final editing, but I've had some issues with the beginning. I can't post it all because of the character limit, so I guess if anyone reads this and wants to see up to chapter 4 (when she gets attacked) please comment and I'll post it :)
This is what I'm looking for:
1. Is it boring, or does the reader feel like he/she wants to continue reading?
2. Does the story seem interesting?
3. Does it make sense?
4. Are there any obvious plotholes or things that need more explaining?
5. Are there any spelling/grammatical errors?
Please be brutally honest! I can handle criticism!!!
The clear, pristine light of the night sky bathed her in its cool, blue glow, its bright luminescence soaking into her skin. The dying, autumn grasses of the small field were soft underneath her as she lay back to stare at the stars, the quiet whisper of the trees of the forest filling her ears. A silvery butterfly fluttered above her, its tattered wings shining in the moonlight, and she reached out her hand to touch it. It landed, ever so gently, on her outstretched fingers, and she smiled. She could smell the crisp scent of snow on the edge of the slight breeze that wafted through her hair, the promise of winter’s coming cold, and peace filled her heart at the serenity surrounding her.
A noise caught her attention, and she held her breath for a moment, straining her ears to hear above the soft whistle of the wind. There it was again. Her face and body flushed hot as a razor-sharp shiver of fear crept up her spine, the peace she had felt only a moment ago vanishing.
“Whore!” a grating, harsh voice hissed in her ear, and she bolted upright. The butterfly, startled by her sudden movement, abandoned her, the thin membrane of its wings lifting it up into the sky. The air felt lonely and forlorn as she searched for the voice, her heart racing with an unknown dread as she felt the urge to run threaten to overwhelm her.
A thick, gray mist began to materialize before her eyes, its ghostly tendrils clinging to the bark of the trees that lined the edge of the field. Ethereal faces danced there, just out of her sight, and she huddled in the grasses, trying to disappear as the sound of her racing heart pounded in her ears. As she watched, a massive, black shadow appeared, emerging from the trees and roaring in wild fury.
“You’ll never be rid of me!” it howled, hurtling itself out of the darkness. It flashed towards her before she could blink, swallowing her into its black void. Terror surged through her veins as she struggled against the unseen weight pinning her down, and she breathed deep to scream.
Then, without warning, the shadow evaporated, disappearing as if it had never been there. She turned onto her side, gasping for air, and the roar of her blood pulsing through her veins began to fade.
There was utter silence, and she opened her eyes, gazing out into the field as she tried to make sense of what had just happened. As she looked on, the ground in the center of the field began to ripple and contort, and she could see something begin to rise from the earth. She watched the shape writhe and twist as it struggled to free itself from the dirt, then, with a snarling howl, a wolf leaped up from within the ground, its muscles and tendons flexing as it crouched and bared its teeth. Her skin crawled with horror as she watched the creature advance towards her, growling from deep within its throat.
It was unlike anything she had ever seen, and she forgot her fear for a split second, momentarily mesmerized by its beauty. It was otherworldly, appearing as if moonlight itself had been harnessed and contained within its form, its translucent, blue-white body glowing and radiating with the tangible essence of light. It had no skin; a transparent film of thin membrane contained the pulsating, cold light it was made of. Its narrow skull had holes in each side where ears should have been, and its emerald, lidless eyes glared at her hungrily as it slunk closer and closer.
Her legs wouldn’t work, and she began to scream as she tried to force herself to run. A hopeless panic filled her soul, ripping at her being with an explosive urgency, but it was as if her body had gone numb with lifelessness.
She could see each individual muscle flex as the beast moved, the sinews and tendons growing taut as it prepared to attack, and, with a piercing cry of terror, she covered her face with her hands.
[end of Prologue]
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