The Florrie and Jack Dialogues : A Turn for the Worse ( Episode 8)

A Turn for the Worse

Florrie : I know this sounds funny, Jack, but I am disappointed.

Jack : About Trevor and Keith?

F : Yes.

J : It couldn’t last, Mum, though could it, not really. They were so different.

F : Yes, Jack. Keith was more into the baser things, unlike Trevor, Jack, whose aspirations are so lofty.

J : So the wedding is off.

F : Yes. Cilla was telling me Keith has gone off with one of his workmates. They shall be laying cables all over town together.

J : Is Trevor upset?

F : Devastated, Jack. He was wanting to frost a child.

J : I know, Mum. Trevor is so much like a pedagogue. He could have taught a child so much.

F : A peda what, Jack? I hope you aren’t suggesting what I think you are.

J : No, Mum.

F : I believe you, Jack. We have come through this hell together, you, me, Cilla and Trevor, and yes, we are still all intact.

J : I know, Mum. It has been hairy though, hasn’t it? All those trips to the prison, and then visiting Aunt Cilla who was so sadly confined to a mental home.

F : Dramaturgy, Jack, that’s what it’s been. My heart has gone out to Cilla, a sister I’ve loved, Jack, all my life. And Trevor, I shall not desert him, you know, no matter what slings and arrows are thrown at him. I am on his side, a great bastard of support.

J : Yes, Mum. Do you know I was so proud when you and I supported Trevor and Keith as a couple.

F : I know, Jack. It was something I never thought I would have to do, you know with Trevor being so straight and all that. They say he’s seeing Darren again, and that is lovely, Jack, innocent and childlike. I read all about it in Woman’s Realm.

J : Yes, Mum. Genius is pure. When you drink Guiness it’s pure genius. It says so in all the advertisements.

F : What has Trevor got to do with beer, Jack?        

J : Quite a lot I should imagine.

F : Oh there you go again, just when I thought you had a deeper understanding of Trevor, and that’s what I hoped all this trouble would bring, Jack, if nothing else, a deeper understanding of your cousin Trevor, his fine mind, his deep intellect, his quest for great heights socially and academically. He is an artist who beggars belief, Jack, you know he is.

J : But, Mum, you never talk about me.

F : You, Jack, I don’t need to. I know all about you, Jack. You, Jack, are love itself, a great businessman that will do so much good for common people, like that great icon Donald Trump. Your ideas for a shop, Jack, will transform the high street. The masses will find your goods affordable, Jack, because you have the savvy, Jack, you know how to lower all your prices, and give the ordinary people what they want. Give them it, Jack, give them all you’ve got. You owe it to the common people.

J : I will, Mum. I’ll give my all. With Trevor up there on his imodium in Cardiff I’ll be planning my chain of stores that will change the ordinary lives of ordinary people. What Trevor gives to their minds I will give to their bodies. I will one day put more bums on seats, Mum, than Andrew Lloyd Webber. I will make things of comfort and style, cater for the masses. I am a man of the people.

F : Clothes and fashion too, Jack, for they are your strong point. You are Versace and Armani, whereas Trevor is a transmogrified Schoenberg, a Waldo de los Rios. Two shining stars that burn so brightly.

J : I’ve heard that somewhere before.

F : Have you, Jack?

J : Burning like a bacon maybe as well.

F : Oh, Jack, you are a card.

J : But really, Mum, things are bad aren’t they in many ways?

F : You could say that, Jack. Aunt Cilla has had bad telephone calls – death threats.

J : Yes.

F : All we can do is pray. Cilla says she thinks Trevor is being pursued by a gang leader of the Triads. And if he is, Jack, it is all down to those two months in prison. I knew when he was in there it was bad luck. All those criminals, Jack, eyeing him up, zealous of his first class brains.

J : Do you think it’s really serious?

F : Yes I do, Jack. I would have felt better if Keith Sludge hadn’t left him. Trevor is alone, Jack – all he has is Darren from two doors away and Darren only a boy, Jack. He’ll be eleven next week.

J : He’s growing up fast, Mum.

F : Funny you should say that, that’s what your Aunt Cilla says about him.

J : Mmm, it’ll be all the time spent in the company of a genius.

F : Yes, Jack, too true. I am humbled by such innocence and and such love. The two show such bonhomie.

J : Darren can be no defense against bad men though, Mum, can he?

F : No, Jack, he can’t. If these Triads get Trevor somewhere volatile he’s had it.

J : Don’t you think Trevor will put up a fight?

F : Oh he’s bound to, he’s a man, Jack, but ruthless, evil men, Jack, they are capable of anything.

J : You are right, Mum, they are.

F : The only thing we can do is think well of Trevor, support him all we can. I am sure he can still work for the BBC. I am convinced he will get a coition soon. Who could deny a genius, Jack, no one, not even the BBC.

J : I hope you are right, Mum. I would like Trevor to do well. He deserves it. He has been through so much. I thought that Palmhirst Psychiatric Clinic would finish him, but no, he got over it only to be thrown into a bail hostel and then that awful prison.

F : Yes, Jack. Julie from the bail hostel wants to help Trevor. She is a lovely woman, a real lady. She appreciates a genie like I do, Jack. She will do all she can to show Trevor in the best possible light after all his problems.

J : Problems, Mum, they came in armies and battalions, not as single men.

F : Not as single men, Jack?

J : Oh, Mum, you are incorrigible.

F : Only facing facts, Jack. Trevor has been an education.