Magnetic Resonance Imaging

 

A few days ago I had a letter from the hospital, my first thought was, I’m no longer on the waiting list, my appointment for physiotherapy re my rotator cuff injury had finally arrived.

Not that I can complain about the wait, the demand on services, cancellations, etc.

I considered myself lucky, I’ve had the surgery, a minor procedure in any case, no bed blocking, in and out the same day with physio to follow.

To my surprise, the letter, was an appointment for an MRI dating scan?

 

‘Dear Mr O’Hare as an outpatient we invite you to participate in the new, 

 NHS Dating Scan

Meet Really Interesting people  ( MRIp )

2pm Monday 15/05/2023.   

Venue.  Erosa  Heartos  Suite.     

Information and questionnaire about your visit enclosed.

Ask for Alice at reception’

 

Six A4 sheets of info to read, no time wasting at reception, cut out the banter I thought.

Just get in there, scanned, out again and hope for a meaningful relationship outcome. 

And, how did they know I wanted to meet someone?   

Maybe I blurted out that I’m looking for love or some other gibberish while under the anaesthetic?

 

‘…Unlike the many online dating sites, with their swipe left, swipe right, romance scams, photo manipulation apps that alter your face, nose, eyes, teeth, body sculpting, etc.

Our model surpasses all that, we use a combination of Virtual Reality, VR, Head Up Display HUD and Artificial  Intelligence AI for the scan.

This means the images you see, will stimulate the brain, sounds, smells including, lets say for example your prejudices, likes, dislikes, interests, aspirations and more.

That activity is then analysed, and, with a high degree of accuracy we can match you with a partner…’

 

‘…The experience also offers a sense of well-being, mindfulness, and so far, the evidence from the data collated show us, that once you relax, mental health is addressed, anxiety, strain and stress reduce, muscle pain dissipates, veins, arteries, capillaries, blood flows at a healthy rate and so on…    

We know this because you also benefit  from having a thorough health check as we have the unique opportunity to see right through people.

Produce detailed images of almost every internal structure in the human body, including the organs, bones, muscles and blood vessels and, identify at an early stage future treatments should the need arise.

It’s predicted that the NHS will save millions of pounds each year on procuring expensive drugs, medicines, surgical equipment by using our dating app…’

 

Now, I get stressed out if I’m late for anything, especially hospital appointments, but there I was, an hour and a bit early.  

Straight to the canteen, an egg’n bacon butty, a strong brew, reread six sheets of information, and a tick the box questionnaire.

 

• Have you a cardiac pacemaker or artificial heart valve

* Have you any implants in your body following surgery for any reason

* Have you…

                         

                               --------------------------------------

 

A large League of Friends banner fluttered above reception advertising a Country & Western event.

 

                                 …Enjoy a Dance & Singalong…   

                             …All Donations large or small welcome…

 

Clad in fluorescent red Ask for Alice sashes, a line of staff and volunteers were stepping back and forth, clapping hands and singing. 

One calls and points to the scrolling lyrics on the screen.          

 

                “…should you ever think of me…just send your love out in the evening breeze…

                                           …I’ll collect it from the wind…”   

 

An Alice miming a horse trotted sideways towards me.

 

‘I just love that old brothers somebody song, Heart of my Heart, makes me cry every time  I hear it’  She sniffed.

 

‘Here for the fundraising’ ?

 

‘Not exactly, I have a 2pm appointment for…’

 

‘Mmmm, the dating scan’  She purred. 

 

      “…in the heart of my heart…there’s a place reserved for only you…it has memorised your face”

 

‘Just follow Cupids red arrow.    She sighed, clutching her chest.

Straight to the Erosa Heartos Suite … it’s only five minutes away, you won’t get lost.’

 

Laughing, she points to my mouth.   

 

‘Bit of egg yoke, top lip, we don’t want that to show up on the scan do we.

Also, plenty of time before your 2pm scan. 

So, com’n buddy, get on the back of my horse, I’ll teach you the basics.’  

 

 There I was, two left feet, turning the wrong way with a giggling Alice gripping my arm.

 

‘Nearly 2pm’  She whispers.

 

‘Can I borrow your palomino?   

 

‘Just make sure you bring it back’

              

            “…I’ll burn that candle low…let the embers glow…just so you know I love you…”

 

                                                -------------------

 

 

‘…a few adjustments to the head rest then we’re ready to start…if you wish to stop at anytime…please press the buzzer…’

 

Gliding through the scanner, a hint of perfume and the song, Heart of my Heart  followed me.

A reminder that I need to return a palomino to Alice from Dallas, perhaps I could suggest we ride down to New Mexico or maybe to…