Secure it up with dub daddio

So the old security guards, who sit in the reception of pretty much every residential block in Hong Kong are an interesting entity.

I personally feel they are a flagrant abuse of my rights as a human being to having a private life. Think about it ' they're always there. You can't do anything without them knowing.

I've been known to smoke a little bit of marijuana on the odd occasion & for those of you who haven't ever experienced the delights of this plant, may need to read the following a little more closely: when you've had a smoke, a small weird paranoia invariably seeps in, that makes you scared of interacting with anyone apart from the people who you have got stoned with.

Living on my own meant a great number of solo stoning sessions, which if taken by the above account means I was scared of interacting with anybody I could possibly encounter (ie. everybody). This has meant a number of nights on instant noodles & dry bread, (there was no butter left), as I was too frightened to leave my apartment & buy food.

Obviously, the times I actually did make it out, I realised that people tend to be quite nice & my faith in humanity is restored all over again.

Anyway, with all this in mind, could you imagine the mental torment that goes through your mind when you know full well that you've got to face somebody as soon as you leave your pad. What made it worse, was that I lived in a place where you also had people who were employed to open doors for you between the estate & the shopping arcade. I literally had to pass & acknowledge on average 3-4 employees of the estate before I reached the shops.

The fact that these people found me interesting because I gibbered a little bit of Cantonese made it all the more nerve racking for each jaunt, as they would inevitably want to have a little chat.

My severe red eye never helped matters & I would always have to excuse myself by saying that I'd worked really hard recently & not got enough sleep through all the stress of my job.

On so many occasions, by the time I had eventually got to the shops, I would have forgotten what I'd gone there for & end up just buying crisps & chocolate. I'd then eat all of that over the next two days & repeat the process.

That's not the only problem I've got with them though.

I was once contacted by an ex-girlfriend, who happened to be coming to HK for a weekend. She asked whether she could stay round. I was up for it, then was overcome by the guilt pangs of currently having a girlfriend. I'm sure it was guilt, or it could have been the fact that I was scared about the prospect of the uniformed gibbon sitting downstairs telling my girlfriend the next time she came over.

Whatever the case, it didn't happen & I've never forgiven security guards since.