Very on the matter

"So what are your views on THE MATTER?" asked the nurse sliding down from the top of the wardrobe with the ease and grace of a professional acrobat.
"WELL" said Benny "FOR A START THE CAPITAL LETTERS ARE SOMEWHAT DISTRACTING, COULD YOU DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT? I'VE HAD A HARD DAY?"
"you know I would if I could, I've already put in a request to the office of misuse of capitalisation, but they keep returning the form because I used 'frivolously' coloured ink on the form, and I won't have enough money to buy a black biro until payday which isn't till next week" the Nurse sighed, ran her fingers through her hair and looked out of the window wistfully at a troupe of tribesmen making their way past the end of the drive - "I say, they get younger every year don't they?"
"WHO?" said Benny jumping out of bed and dashing across the room, exposing rather a lot of his undercarriage which he had recently sent away to be cleaned and polished by a specialist firm of Azerbaijani dwarves legendary for their prowess in the field- he was glad he had as it gleamed like mad in the mid-day sun - he was sure the Nurse would be impressed. But she wasn't a nurse that could be impressed.
"Oh I don't know? Policemen? Doctors..Doctors- I knew I'd forgotten something, I really must get a new set- these ones are getting ridiculous, they're keeping me up all night - harping on about 'ammonia in the water' and jumping out of the tank- why last night alone I had to put 12 of them back in, and having lost my net I had to scoop them up using a slipper - I hope you don't mind I used one of yours?"
Benny now perched rather awkwardly on the window ledge between two spider plants an imitation faberge egg and an ornament of a little old man with a bunch of carrots the nurse had got from a petrol station for collecting tokens, snorted imperiously, "I wondered how that water got in there- I thought it was another phase in the treatment... anyway back to THE MATTER, I think that there are two GENERAL views on it both most impersonal - one being that words are useless and mean nothing and the other that words are useful and mean something, i.e people set too much stock by words with all that high falutin' beard stroking, literary philosophising and endless debates about the nature and structure of language and thought process and 'why am I here?' and 'I think therefore I am' which in my view are basically useless and inneffectual, however no one can deny the usefulness of words when it comes to situations such as 'CAN YOU PLEASE GET THIS PIANO OFF MY FOOT' when words prove themselves almost priceless, oh and by the way if it isn't too much trouble nurse, when you've finished your Sudoku CAN YOU PLEASE GET THIS ARMOIRE OFF MY LAPTOP?"