Five Years

Pushing through the market square

I used to like that song, but they’ve played it so much the past few years – literally, at the beginning, you couldn’t go into a shop without hearing it. Youtube nearly collapsed at first – it was as if people needed to hear something ..something ….. I don’t know…..

I even heard Ollie humming it the other day when he was back with his washing – I remember playing it to him - oh ages ago – before …. any of this. We must’ve been on some long drive. - god I used to love those – so useful for getting teenagers to talk. Anyway, that first time he winced – I can see him now in my mind’s eye, raising one eyebrow like he does, . telling me it was cheesy. It wasn’t the un PC lines – the queer threw up at the sight of that – remember that bit? It was the chorus

Five years that’s all we’ve got

I suppose that’s the bit people wince at now too – not for the same reasons obviously

I wonder when – if they’ll come home nearer the time. You get this feeling, as a mother – this wanting to have them close – I do anyway – I have ever since it happened, but perhaps they feel differently – maybe they’ll want to make a last run – try to do all the things they want to before… We haven’t talked about it – about their plans yet. I thought I’d leave it for a while.

It’s not fair. Pointless thing to say, but it’s really all I can think of – quite often. You can’t even blame the politicians, the scientists …it’s all a waste of time.

I thought …I didn’t know…When they first admitted it, I didn’t know what would happen – no one did. At first there was the panic – of course - but that settled down pretty soon – burnt itself out ..

Quite a few people went then – said they’d rather do it themselves than wait, and I expect others are planning to do the same later on, nearer the time. Most of us didn’t – they’ve got the figures up somewhere - I can’t remember what they are now. Most of us just carried on after the first shock, because - what else is there after all?.

You know, there are some people who still don’t really believe it. I don’t mean the nutjobs – there’ve been endless stories about them – all their dreary conspiracy theories. I mean ordinary people like you and me. There are still some people who think somehow they’ll find a fix – a way of stopping it. I must admit to wondering myself sometimes, even though I know, rationally I know it’s not possible. We all know the facts off by heart – we’ve all seen the diagrams, the satellite pictures. Perhaps it’s to do with our inability to believe – it’s such a big thing to get your head around, isn’t it?

I think that’s why I continue in more or less the same way – because I’m not sure what else to do. Maybe nearer the time it will be different.