'In the living years' .. Paul Carrack

There's a book in you, babe, fighting and struggling to break jail and escape. You tell your tales with no chip on your shoulder, no blame or accusation or even disapproval. No cry for sympathy, or even empathy. You just lay it on the line as it was and as it is. You never ask the reader to feel sorry for you, or even to agree with you. You make no effort to entice the reader, to bat your eyes at him, yet you somehow manage to charm him all the same. An honest writer. A rare breed. Well done.

I've known many people with pasts such as yourself, in my time. Although the past is always with us, it's the present and future, that you have to concentrate on now. Taking from your recent post, you have to move on. Keep writing and conveying your thoughts to your friends here on the site. Because there's such a positive response to your musings, and you should carry that on with you now. All the best The Talisman.

Brilliant writing Denni- keep at it. ;)Pia

Gaining spiritual strength by recognising and understanding the origins of our emotional weakness is a beautiful thing. Yes, it takes time but how incredible is the feeling of freedom? probably as powerful as the feelings we've dragged around with us, clueless as to how to rid ourselves of them. Forgiveness is key and it's so refreshing to read someone#s light flickering on with newfound regularity. Don't worry; it won't go out. This is just the beginning. When trauma blights a life at such a young age, it's easy to feel separate from the world and to build a protective barrier against it. That's why I got out of my head so much as a youngster; I couldn't stand the way I felt and needed relief from being me and then I found drugs and everything seemed just dandy. Acid was my God from 16 to 24 and while it was a flase God, it did a bloody good impersonation and allowed me to feel free for the first time in my life, such was my family unrest, which I never understood because I was the youngest by far, the one they all tried to protect. Instinct's a funny thing, though, and I always resented my sisters for being older and more equipped to deal with two parents who, although very beautiful and kind people, had very difficult childhoods that didn't equip them with great parenting skills. You seem to be a very bright spirit and the past can't shadow the real you for too much longer. Adversity may tear lives apart but only time and forgiveness can heal the rift and make the past appear as it is; a passage of preparation for better times to come. Early parental death causes untold pain and a feeling that somehow blame may be attached to those who survived. Your sister adapted to this trauma in the way she did to protect herself. She sought refuge in her man and she was right to do so. Fortunately for her, she was of an age to seek and be offered that protection and solace from a lover. Being younger, you had no such opportunity. Everything balances out in the end, though, and you have attributes that will probably always elude your sister. We're the sum total of our experiences and how we had to adapt to adversity. Challenge your thoughts of the past. This is your time, so grab it with both hands. Keep writing your thoughts down and sharing them. As said above, writing so honestly and openly is a rare gift and such a pleasure to read. Beautiful stuff.

Denise, Interesting...I began as if I were reading fiction, had a sudden revelation that, wait, this is non-fiction, then I get to the end, and I remain uncertain...though reading through the ensuing comments, I believe it now to be true. "Reconciliation" is an admirable goal. I love when folks invoke the phrase 'get over it'....the only way to get over the significant punches thrown by life is through denial. That is why I 'settle' for reconciliation. You deal as best you can, and then move the issue from front and center to a little side room, from where it will Jack-in-the-Box out at usually the most inopportune time. That scenario is still (to me) wildly preferable to denial. Your refreshing head-on take here is well done, on just about every level. Might I risk bad form and suggest a peek at my "Train Wreck"? (under 1500 words) Bill

Good stuff out of bad stuff here Denni. Well done.

Been away for a few days Den so sorry i'm late to this. What can i say that others haven't. Apart from, your honesty comes through this like a shining light. Told in such a straightforward way. We are involved in it right from the start. Well done on the cherries.