Life.

It’s a good job….

This week was talking to my son Daniel, just in passing, I can’t remember the conversation now, but I remember thinking, I wouldn’t have done that.

In the past, sometimes I have wished I could have lived his life for him, for I only want the best for him. When I say, live his life for him, for him to turn ‘left’ at that point in his life instead of ‘right.’

But just like he does not know what will happen, if he turns ‘right’ instead of ‘left.’ He has always had a good philosophy, “Just do it,” And “I can sleep when I am dead.”

He has never saved his money; he just spends it all. I suppose he can’t take it with him, so he might as well use it.

He seems to have no regrets. If he is hurt, he brushes himself down, and carries on. But of course, he does get hurt, and it is then I want to take the hurt, so he is not hurt.

I have said, to both my children, “If you hurt, I hurt.”

I love those films, where a child in a strange way, becomes the adult and the adult becomes the child. It was at the moment, in passing, talking to Daniel, that I thought, if he were me, and I were him, he would be my dad and I would be his daughter, I would have his adult wisdom (talking to me) and I would have young thoughts. Would I as his young daughter take heed to his wisdom? I don’t know, for he didn’t think my advice was good, I remembered our conversation now.

To be fair to him, I have lived my life, and made decisions, some I regret and some I don’t.

He too, must live his life. I did smile the other day when he told me, “Mum, don’t take this the wrong way, but life is different now compared to when you were young, and my age.” SO true. But that is true of every generation.

He snapped at me yesterday, it seemed to come out of the blue. I was taken aback. Yet less than two minutes later, he came to me and said, “I’m sorry Mum, I didn’t mean to talk to you like that,” I said, “That’s OK.” He said, “I’m annoyed at someone, and I took it out on you, you haven’t done anything wrong.” I’ve brought him up well, for not everyone knows the words, “I am sorry….”

I know who has annoyed him, but I can’t live his life for him, in this situation, I can’t take the pain away.

I’m glad I am me and he is he, I am glad that I am his Mum, and he is my Son, and not the other way round. Me his daughter and he, my Dad.

For this is the way, it was meant to be.