Serve Yourself, Please

Businesses now are promoting the science
of increased consumer self-reliance.
It's a trend that is spreading across the land,
And it's getting completely out of hand.

I do my own banking and pump my own gas,
Pick up my own mail and take out my own trash,
I bag my own groceries when I go shopping,
This 'serve yourself' movement shows no signs of stopping.

Analysts say that this trend will grow stronger
Until we consumers need their help no longer:
When my time on Earth ends, I'll know how to behave:
I'll climb out of my coffin and dig my own grave!