Tradesman - revised

Cherry

By Deliberately Evolving

Tue, 28 Jul 2015
  • 1021 reads
8 comments
 
Hauling heavy timbers.
Broad shoulders and strong arms.
Scuffed knees and dusty shorts.
Roughened hands that grasp 
 
and handle tools with lazy ease.
Knocks and bangs and calls
ring out as morning mist clears -
dawn call of hammer drills.
 
Mid day sun then rises... a break.
Hot, sweet tea in a mug
stained brown from years 
of tannin, quick rinsed 
 
under running taps to clean. 
"Hard work, long days" they say
as biscuits are dunked 
and faces tanned, watch
 
office workers - pale and pasty
scurry and hurry back
inside their airless rooms,
while the tradesmen laugh
 
and joke, clock off when day is done, 
reward themselves - 
cold beer and hot kebab 
on work-weary way home.
Certificate U
Poem

Comments

Submitted by Bee on

This is excellent - so well described. I like the contrast between those indoors and the outdoor workers. It seems everything comes with mixed blessings. The only thing I might be tempted to change is to break it into separate stanzas, rather than a block. But that's just me.

Bee

Submitted by Deliberately Ev... on

Thanks Bee.

where would you put the breaks. I just had a go but none seemed right.

 

 

The beat of your heart is the mellifluent rhythm to my soul.

Submitted by Deliberately Ev... on

Thank you for the cherries, admin. I'll enjoy those with my morning tea.

The beat of your heart is the mellifluent rhythm to my soul.

Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on

Hi there, Ae...great poem, well deserving of its cherries.

As for Bee's idea, I guess you could break it after 'running water to clean', hence, 'Hard work, long days...' would be the start of the second stanza.  That would work quite well...but hey...it's your poem, after allsmiley

Tina

 

Submitted by Deliberately Ev... on

Thanks for the tips - I always appreciate advice and suggestions

The beat of your heart is the mellifluent rhythm to my soul.

Submitted by Rhiannonw on

Enjoyed the comradeship and feeling that tiring hard work is rewarding compared with the tension of mental office work. Rhiannon

 

Submitted by Deliberately Ev... on

Thanks Rhiannon. It's something l like too. I have always thought there was something terribly appealing about working in a trade 

The beat of your heart is the mellifluent rhythm to my soul.

Submitted by luigi_pagano on

A nice atmospheric, poem, Ae, showing how the the clerical staff differs from the labourers - the latter of a healthier complexion - even in their choice of refreshment but both busy in their own environment. 
A piece neatly done and the separate stanza have improved the layout. Well done.

Luigi