Tail of Space

A SPACE TAIL BY J.BARON-PRAVDA
INT. SPACE STATION MIR- 'NIGHT'
Jim Simpson, first time in space, has been on board with two Cosmonauts
for....too long; one of them, Grigori, has been acting strangely, after
two years on Mir
GRIGORI KINSKI
Jimmy..... I tell you, it will be a great favor to me!
(raising his voice,stressed out)
JIM SIMPSON
(hesitant)
Are you sure you want to do this; think about the future, man.
Grigori has floated over to his personal locker, fishing out what looks
like a long chain left over from constant repair improvisation on the
aging ship
ANATOLY VIDKIN
Grigor!!
(shouting)
He's right, you want to end up in goddam nuthouse, in tundra?
GRIGORI KINSKI
I've made up my mind, what's left of it, and so, too, should
Jimbo.
JIM SIMPSON
That's another thing, you've called me James, even when I asked you not
to, for months----what is with this nickname business, really.
GRIGORI KINSKI
Alright, have got another for you, maybe you like better---I know that
I will....
(blank expression)
How bout 'Jocko', hmmm, Jiminy?
ANATOLY VIDKIN
In case you don't remember, we've got the transmission to Star City in
twenty minutes.....we must make ready.
GRIGORI KINSKI
Exactly! Make ready.....J-man----cool, eh----what size collar you
wear?
JIM SIMPSON
This is nuts; what the....
(cutoff)
GRIGORI KINSKI
Need in metric system, please...not embarrassing NASA inches,
yes.
JIM SIMPSON
Now wait just a minute....I suppose you never screwed up: where are all
the bodies buried, Griggy!
(catching himself)
I apologize, I was outta line....all my life I've dreamed of this
experience, two former enemy nations, systems, for God's sake, working
together, for the good of....
(cutoff)
GRIGORI KINSKI
Right....the 'good' for now is what you can do for me; look, if Anatoly
does it...
ANATOLY VIDKIN
Not a chance.....
GRIGORI KINSKI
Please, is hypo.....how you say, J.S.?
JIM SIMPSON
Jesus......
(checking himself)
GRIGORI KINSKI
No, no, his initials are 'J.C.'
JIM SIMPSON
Hypothetical, ok, now what?
GRIGORI KINSKI
This is 'what'---if my countryman does it
(stopping Anatoly with his look)
They will screw us both; this way, will give it no thought, in fact,
will please ground control, 'Americanski weakness, cosmonaut better',
yak, yak, blah, blah, who give a shit!
JIM SIMPSON
I do, it's a matter of pride, and the truth, you know. Besides, I don't
even know what the hell you're asking....
(cutoff)
GRIGORI KINSKI
Cannot speak, and am captain.
(pouting sadly)
JIM SIMPSON
Oh, by all means, speak, just try and make sense, will you.
GRIGORI KINSKI
Not the idea, you will see....
(cutoff by Anatoly)
ANATOLY VIDKIN
We have exactly ten minutes!
(looking at chronometer)
GRIGORI KINSKI
Here is plan: Jocko, that's you, James
(smiling crazily)
Is pet monkey, playful little guy, you see, I believe....
(cut off by James)
JIM SIMPSON
Sixteen.
GRIGORI KINSKI
What?
JIM SIMPSON
Inches, goddamit.....you do the math.
GRIGORI KINSKI
Cannot..am 'crazy', yes!?
(laughing)
ANATOLY VIDKIN
This is madness!
JIM SIMPSON
Yes.....
(looking kindly at Grigori)
I understand, it's the only....
ANATOLY VIDKIN
Any way is ok with me, just get on with it, will you.
GRIGORI KINSKI
Will be very comfortable fit.
(holding his hand out)
You want banana?
ANATOLY VIDKIN
Where did you....
(cutoff)
GRIGORI KINSKI
Been saving, for now.
ANATOLY VIDKIN
Two minutes.....
GRIGORI KINSKI
James....James, I am very, how say, mov-ed, yes? My family, have baby
not baby now. Just a little jumping, maybe little one will see..loves
monk.....
(cutoff)
JIM SIMPSON
Bloody Hell, would you just get on with it.
Grigori snaps on the collar. Jim automatically bends his knees and
seems rather nonchalant, after all.
GRIGORI KINSKI
I do all talking, James, me and Anatoly....
JIM SIMPSON
What the Hell would a chimp say?
GRIGORI KINSKI
Correct, ha, ha, good one, Jim, I mean, James.....
JIM SIMPSON
Jocko. I Only speak English, remember?
GRIGORI KINSKI
NASA has funds to teach monkey Eng....
JIM SIMPSON
You want a happy chimp, right---I'm a chimp, got it---------then go
easy will ya, Grigor.
GRIGORI KINSKI
Sure, sure thing, okey dokey, hmm.
ANATOLY VIDKIN
Here it is!
They all look into the camera, smiling, except for 'Jocko', who is
cavorting rather naturally. The transmission ends with the desired
result----thinking he has overstayed, and a propaganda asset, Grigori
is told he will be returning in a week.
GRIGORI KINSKI
James
(hugs him)
Grigori, noticing that Jim is still stooping, bends down to do
so.
ANATOLY VIDKIN
What's going on, you ok James?
GRIGORI KINSKI
Jocko! He's fine, see.
Jocko, James, is slowly returning to human behavior.

CUT TO A WEEK LATER:
EXT. SUPPLY/RESCUE SHIP IS PREPARING TO DOCK-'NIGHT'
Grigori has suited up and is saying his goodbyes to the others; his
replacement will board shortly.
ANATOLY VIDKIN
Das vidanya, Grigor, you have your wish.
JIM SIMPSON
Yeah, enjoy dancing on my head.
(they hug)
Simpson has begun to scratch himself almost unconsciously, baring his
teeth often.
ANATOLY VIDKIN
I hope, after all this, that the capsule is in better shape than this
crate.
JIM SIMPSON
Sure he'll be fine.
(looking at supplies)
Hey, bananas!
(grabs one, moves to 'corner')
KATARINA BOROSOI
What's with him?
ANATOLY VIDKIN
James, oh, first timer; funny though, he's been concerned about his
return trip for the last week, and it's 6 months off.
KATARINA BOROSOI
Homesick?
ANATOLY VIDKIN
Who isn't, no, it's.....well, Hard to explain: he's worried about
whether his 'prehensile' tail will fit into his space suit when the
time comes.
There is only a moment's silence, seeming like much longer; Katarina
has kept a poker face throughout, puzzling Anatoly.
KATARINA BOROSOI
Not to worry, James; I am trained primatologist------you are chimp,
almost no tail.
FADE TO STARRY BLACK.