Shop Window

By amy451

Sat, 28 Dec 2013
  • 1032 reads
5 comments
 

Every girl walks past a shop window and has a look through. For example today I walked past a shop window that had wedding dresses in it. I looked in and just dreamed for a while... I dreamed about how I would feel on my wedding day.Walking down that eisle ina white dress with my fathers arm linked around mine. That will be the best memory I will ever have looking around seeing peoples smiling faces and then there standing infront of me would be the man Iloved, the man I longed to be with for the rest of my life.

(First Draft)

(First Part of the story)

Many more to come so keep reading and please comment xx

 

By Amy

 

Certificate U
Other
Shopaholic
Inspiration Point (work that responds to our weekly writing cue)

Comments

Submitted by amy451 on

Please Comment it would mean a lot

Submitted by scratch on

Hi Amy and welcome to ABCtales.  This seems genuine and heartfelt, it has a simplicity about it too which I like.  Just a couple of points if I may?

"Walking down that eisle (aisle) ina (in a) white dress with my fathers (Father's) arm..."

and 

"will ever have looking around seeing peoples (people's) smiling faces and then there standing infront of me would be the man Iloved, (I loved),".  This last would possibly benefit from a comma after 'there' too.

 

 

Submitted by Luke Neima on

A great beginning, Amy. Would love to read more—who is the man this character longs for? What is her father like? Why marriage, in particular? 

Welcome to ABC!

Luke

Submitted by Linda Wigzell Cress on

Defo on the right track Amy.  Follow your instincts!

Linda

Submitted by amy451 on

Thank you for all your comments and I appreciate all of the comments. Also I would like to say thank you for the help with the punctuation and spelling. 

Thank you again I will write another one now x

Again please excuse the spelling and punctuation in my story I will try very hard to get it right xxxx