Life (or Being a Beach Bum)

I wrote this a while ago for Droubbles. Droubbles are pieces of exactly 200 words. Harder than you might think, but great fun! Have a go here, Droubbles is back! --> http://www.droubbles.com 

When Ernie took Gertrude to wife 
he had the notion ‘twas for life, 
but didn’t bank on all the strife 
a spouse could often be. 

She didn’t understand it seems 
his lust for love (‘In yer dreams!’) 
what sausages and bacon means 
and kippers for his tea. 

So after fifteen years of this 
he’d had enough of wedded bliss 
and found himself locked in a kiss 
with next door neighbour Lee. 

Lee was masterful, with muscle! 
And Ern tried desp’rately to rustle 
up excuses – go, sans tussle, 
but Gert would not agree. 

A Christian, Ern (and most devout!) 
he couldn’t very well come out 
the closet, though he had to clout 
poor Gert most grievously. 

So having had enough of Gert 
(he’d toyed, briefly, with fireman Bert) 
the only thing to do was hurt 
her hard, despite her plea. 

But what to do then, with the bod? 
Bury it beneath the sod? 
And so he did (and prayed to God), 
deep beneath a tree 

Thus Bert and Lee, happy and gay, 
tied the knot and moved away, 
settled down in San Fran bay, 
awash with sex and iced Chablis 

(which bright spark was it who said crime doesn't pay?)