End of the World

I told them I was OK but I wasn't really. Truth is, they were
getting on my nerves.
6 nights (not) sleeping in someone else's bed. 5 days being
child-minded by Nicola. And the funeral! All that fussing, all that "Is
there anything you need?" My world had ended - I needed to go to sleep
and never wake up again. I couldn't say that to them, could I? "It's
not what Mum would have wanted," they'd say. How did they know? Had
they asked her? Anyway, why should I care what Margaret wanted? She'd
buggered off and left me alone. Said she'd always be there, then went
and died on me.

I waved them off. In the house, the photo that Nicola had framed glared
at me accusingly. "Don't start Margaret, I'm not in the mood!" I
dragged myself up the stairs. Thought I might as well have a bath -
nothing better to do. Once in the bath I hadn't the energy to get out.
The water cooled to match the chill in my bones. Eventually I forced
myself to move. I shivered as I dried myself, trying to make some
warmth by scrubbing the rough surface of the towel against my skin. It
didn't work.

Crossing the landing, I saw Margaret at the foot of the stairs. I
squeezed my eyes together to make her disappear.

I put on my pyjamas and crawled under the duvet. For a while I lay in
my half then I threw Margaret's pillows on the floor. I moved myself to
the middle of the bed. I'd show her I could manage without her.

I couldn't get warm; there was no one to cuddle up to. After a while I
went to sleep and dreamt I was slipping and sliding over icebergs,
searching in vain for a piece of toast. My eyes opened in frustration.
I looked round the arctic room. Margaret's pillows basked, plump and
smug, in the only patch of sunlight. Jumping up, I pounced on the
pillows, flung them on the bed and hit them again and again. "I'm cold,
I'm bloody cold and you're not here! I hate you! I hate you!"

"Dad? What are you doing?" Nicola peered round the door. I looked at
her, my arm frozen in mid-air. "I came back, I was worried about
you!"

Later, after she'd made me tea and toast, the tears came. I don't know
where they'd been till then but they helped to wash the anger away.
Nicola sat with me, she didn't say much but that was fine with
me.

It took six months for the ice in my bones to melt: even longer for my
heart to thaw. It surprises even me that I've met someone else. Soon
I'll be sleeping in half of the bed again.

It's funny how the world can end but life still goes on.