How to become a real female again

Guide to Becoming a Real Female Again.

For the females of today life is terrifying. These radical feminists
with their masculine approach have thrown away what was a contented and
simplistic life for women. This has undeniably led to inappropriate,
and more importantly, unwomanly behaviour which up until now has been
tolerated- it will not any longer!

1. Attire

Today's woman seems to believe that wearing 'baggy khaki trousers' is
something they are unquestionably able to wear. I can adamantly tell
you now that it is most unpleasant. Sitting around the house with your
legs wide apart is most certainly a mans preserve, vital in the
ventilation of the testicular region. The female should sit with their
legs firmly attached to one another, bolt upright ready to collect any
chilled beverages that may be required by her man or his
acquaintances.

2. Conversation

Today's woman seems to believe that her opinions, whilst sitting at the
dinner table, are relevant. Please understand that whilst you are
expressing your erroneous views, the food you should be preparing is in
need of your attention.

I will try not to confuse you with technology here, but unfortunately
the mind reader has not yet been invented. When you have a problem
simply converse with your spouse honestly without the sentence 'if you
don't know what's wrong with me, I'm certainly not going to tell you'
This will very possibly win you a night of copulation with your partner
as part of the 'making-up ritual.'

3. Appearance

For some reason today's woman seems to think that it's ok to slacken
ones approach to their appearance when they become involved. It is most
certainly not 'cute' or 'cuddly' to become loose, wobbly and droopy in
potential erogenous regions.

Eyebrows not dissimilar to thick undergrowth or pubic hair carelessly
hanging out the sides of your size 16 undergarments is most nauseating
(this rule is not relevant to woman with German heritage as this has
been common place for many years).

4. Courtship

Any sexual matters are of course very much kept well within the
boundaries of the bedroom and not to be discussed by either partner
elsewhere (This obviously goes not relate to the male whilst down the
pub). The needs of a man are powerful so to keep the economy of this
proud nation flourishing, they need to be catered for. This is the
woman's MOST vital role within the home, economic growth depends upon
it.

There are some issues associated with intercourse that need to be dealt
with:
&;#61623; The swallowing of semen is particularly controversial and
very much open to a democratic vote.
&;#61623; Premature ejaculation should be seen as a compliment to
your own sexual prowess.
&;#61623; Perverted needs, illustrated effectively in the television
show Friends&;#61651; with Ross and his Princess Lea fantasy, must
be satisfied. The need for costume fun is vital for the aforementioned
economic status of the UK.
&;#61623; MEN MUST SLEEP AFTER INTERCOURSE.

5. Household

Unfortunately women were not blessed with the capability to deal with
technology that the world offers today. Anything that involves the
pressing of more than two buttons should be well left alone for the
safety of the whole family. The individual exception to this rule is
obviously the iron. Men are simply not able to concentrate for long
periods or use a delicate touch however women are simply born with the
instinct to flatten and fold clothes.

Your house is your second most important duty (refer to Courtship for
most important duty). Tidiness is vital. Soiled undergarments should be
immediately removed from the line of sight of your partner, he does not
want to see skid marks or any such stains (especially during some more
unpleasant stages of the month).

6. Visits

Your partners friends are also your friends, however, please refrain
from trying to make conversation with them. It distracts you from your
indispensable vocation of fetching chilled refreshment from the
kitchen.
These friends are equally as whimsical as your own partner, whether you
find his witticism about feminine hygiene humorous it should still be
greeted with a dirty giggle and smile. Such friends simply serve to
brighten up your home and entertain your partner whilst you are busy in
tidying.

These simple to follow instructions should immediately be cut out and
put in the pocket of a female. They will certainly thank you for it one
day.