I Ain't Being Racialist, Innit?

This season it’s cool to wear leggings,
Especially with a long top
For playsuits, the girls are all begging
And scouring the floor of Top Shop;

They’re telling us all to get thinner -
Anorexia is the new black -
We’re all eating iPods for dinner,
And bulimically throwing them back.

But, in fashion, opinion is central;
Intellect creams off the best,
And one figure has risen above them all
As one it is cool to detest: Yes!

Everyone’s hating Jade Goody!
She’s the girl we adore to abhore.
She’s even uncooler than hoodies,
And stands shoulder to shoulder with war.

We’ve all fallen in hate with Jade Goody.
It’s a huge diplomatic affair -
Brown’s thinking does he or don’t he
And everyone’s looking to Blair

The whole world is turning round Goody
As a source of potential unrest.
Get out your mops, it looks bloody:
In fact, a celeb-heavy gore-fest

Politicians are weighing up Goody
While Endemol’s found a fat hen -
No-one quite lays gold eggs like Jade Goody
She’s Channel Four’s major god-send

So keep being racist, Jade Goody!
Keep your brain firmly turned off!
Keep turning the waters all muddy,
And keep the new fashion aloft!