The naming of your cat

The Naming of Your Cat.

Naming your cat is a most serious time
And choosing it wrongly considered a crime.
You may not consider this a serious matter,
But a badly named cat can go mad as a hatter.
So please read these words before you start mocking,
And the 'Cat Name Police' come round and start knocking.

Imagine for a moment, that you're a big tom,
Who can't understand where his owner went wrong.
You're out for your nightly business and ramble,
When the cat from next door asks for your handle.
Do you shout out your name with feeling and pride,
Or meekly squeak 'Tiddles' and then run and hide.

For a correctly named cat can afford to walk tall,
Not cower in shame at the thought of its call.
Give its name thought, and consider your feelings,
For its you that calls them in for the evenings.
So consider for a moment, as to whether you'll care.
When you're standing outside shouting 'Sonny' and 'Cher.'

Try something different when choosing a name.
For a cat who's called 'Snookie' will know whose to blame.
So dig out those books, from authors aplenty,
You'll find at least one, a dozen or twenty.
And if after reading, you're still not too sure,
Maybe it's time for some more literature.

Try something Biblical, from Gideons or James,
Such as Samson, Delilah, Salom? or Kane.
Jacob or Lazarus, the list just goes on,
Like David, Goliath or King Solomon.
Testaments, try both the old and the new,
Unless your cats Muslim or Orthodox Jew.

A good literary name for your cats not a sin.
So try Fagin, Aphelia, or perhaps Gunga Din.
Viola or Shylock may suit their charm.
You could even try Xanadu or Kubla K'han
And if Shakespeare or Dickens wont suit them either
Try a different approach, it may bring you nearer.

If your poetic puss's meow seems to rhyme
Then Byron or Keats may suit this feline.
Or if classical music is something they've wished,
Then try Mozart or Wagner, or perhaps even Lizt.
Faust or Saint Saens may seem a little too hard,
Though they may suit your cat if it likes the macabre.

If a historical tyrant reminds you of him
Then try Napoleon, Nero, Ghengis or Ming
You may question a name with despotic turns,
But surely only a cat, could watch while Rome burns.
But if chivalry seems more to their hearts,
Then Gwain or Gwuinivere might do for a start.

Now if your cats demeana has a criminal flair,
You could use Moriarty, but you better beware!
For a cat who's named Raffles will be a great thief,
And if you call him McCavity, he'll defy all belief.
For cats with such names stealth becomes habit
And might start stealing food, or dealing in cat-nip

So here's one word of warning, before you decide
On naming your feline Jekyll or Hyde.
A cat takes its name both in spirit and word,
And I know you may think, this is really absurd,
But to a cat its name is an identity label,
To which it will form itself if it is able.

So if after searching through closets and books
No name that you choose quite suits his looks.
And if after all this, you still haven't a clue,
There is still one more thing that you could do.
You could leave it simple and matter of fact,
And just call him Felidae, For he knows he's a cat.

Mark St Jefferson