New Avengers - June 24 2002

I woke up around nine am, went downstairs half asleep and the first
thing I did was to feed the cats. Tabby went straight into breakfast
while the Longhair looked at me, and then at the bowl, and then sat
there as if to say "It may be fresh, but I am not eating it" and then
started eating his biscuits. When he was a stray before we adopted him,
I used to feed him biscuits which I put in a bowl outside the catflap.
He used to appear each morning and have his biscuits. Of course now he
belongs to us he sleeps on the bed and has full run of the house.

The sun was up and I went online. I looked out of my window at the lawn
which needs mowing, the grass is getting longer. I started writing my
diary entry for yesterday and then I read .... entry. I love to read
.... entries because they put me in a good mood, and although I was
upset about something, I felt better, to the point where I trashed the
entrie entry and rewrote it from scratch.

I read two poems by D which she had sent me yesterday. One was about
her mothers funeral and the other was about what you see when you close
your eyes. I liked both of them and emailed back. The first reminded me
of when I buried Sooty, one of our cats in June 96. I dug her grave by
hand in the boiling sun, and then we had a funeral for her and buried
her with one of her toys.

The site was offline in parts and I used the time I would otherwise
spend in writing new pieces, some poetry and a sort of script about Big
Brother.

We drove to Leigh in the Beetle and had a coffee in Vie, where we go on
Sundays. My wife said there was an Oasis sampler in the Times, so we
bought that. There was also a compilation of Summer Hits but apart from
a couple of songs it wasn't my cup of tea. We then walked down to
Woolworths. I wanted to use the toilet and the one in Vie was broken. I
also wanted to play my new guitar. So I stood there smoking while my
wife went in Natural Edge for what seemed ages, holding all the
newspapers, and thinking about the guitar and the party next week and
unbidden a poem began forming itself inside my head. "Standing in the
street, with my newspapers" but I stopped because my wife had finished
in the shop and we went back to the Beetle and drove home.

"I'm sitting in the garden," she said. "You should too." I grumbled
that I had some more stuff to do online and then played the Oasis CD
which to my surprise is not only encrypted but you have to register it
and it only plays to July 31 and each track only plays four times,
apart from two which you can play forever I think, but I haven't tried
yet.

Online I talked to ... and I also got an email from ... We both like
Oasis. So I told ... about the Oasis CD. It was playing in the
background while we chatted. There are some great songs on it. I shall
have to buy the album.

About 4.30 with the remnants of a cheese bagel that I had had for lunch
accusing me on the plate , I unpacked the Stag Strat and tuned up. It
has a lovely sound and I played her for an hour. I also composed a song
which I have posted elsewhere on the site. In fact it's a song because
the last line is repeated. I call the guitar .... I am not sure if
other musicians name their guitars and in the past I have not done
so.

The forums came back online and there was much jubilation and
rejoicing. I went in chat for a while. All the usual crew were there.
We talked about cheese. I think we talked too much about it. .... was
around on IM so we chatted, and I told .... a couple of things. But I
was nervous. I am scared of offending .... but .... was ok, just a bit
surprised. I would love to collaborate with .... on something, like a
story or something. I am working with ... already which is great.

I went offline at 9.15 and printed out a chunk of my work. Then my wife
and I watched "Ocean's Eleven" which is the original version with
Sinatra. The first two hours are spent organizing the heist, and the
last half hour is spent performing the heist. The film has a twist at
the end. I haven't seen the new version but I am reliably informed that
it is not very good.

I was thinking that I have had an impact on others. Just by joining the
site and meeting new people. And they have affected me, I don't deny
it. I think if I can read someone's work and get a good reaction from
it, that makes me feel better then the writer has succeeded. I posted
my cheque today. It was something I wanted to do.

This party next week. I am looking forward to it. I want to meet
everyone especially .... but then you guessed that I suppose.

The strangest thing is that writing this journal each day caused me to
forget to write my handwritten diary yesterday, which is something I
haven't done in a long time.

The colours in my world seem brighter than before. I still feel
vulnerable at times, there's like a sense in my head that I am trying
to open up myself more. In writing, in chat. I wonder what would have
happened if I hadn't have found the site or if I hadn't have made
friends with new people who in turn have caused me to write, and write
like I haven't ever before. To get the words down, to express my
feelings, to seek out new things and boldly go where I have never gone
before. God that sounds crass. But by writing I can put down my
feelings, the thoughts inside my head. It's a weird feeling like
drinking good wine, very heady. I hope that intoxicated I don't say
things that I will regret, because I never want to walk the lonely
streets of cyberspace again. And that's why I was upset yesterday
because I thought I would have to. Just looking at what I have just
written I would normally delete it, but somebody told me yesterday that
these things you say are the important parts. It's easy to talk about
the weather or the price of things but so very much harder to talk
about what you feel. I'm going to take a chance and leave this bit
in.

I didn't watch Big Brother because we were watching the film. I think
Jade will leave next.

One other thing, I am listening to the first and second Jam albums at
present. OK, they are new wave, but for some reason they are more
relevant to me now. I don't suppose .... likes the Jam. I would love an
email from ....