Nothingness

I used to lie in bed at night, filling with nothing but hatred. How
insignificant it all seemed! Being ten years old was where all emotions
erupted. I wasn't cute anymore - I was short and mousey-haired and
average and I couldn't pass for good-looking either. Unfortunately for
me, the whole thing that was life was terrible and I was filled with,
not a sense of rebellion, but a will to break free and out and away.
Does that make sense? No, but in my head it had some meaning.

I always lie awake in bed at night. I can't help it. It's what I do. I
used to dream of candy floss and the Caribbean but those days were long
gone - now I had violent nightmares about the concept of suicide and
death. It was an eye-opener - my own imagination surprised me and even
scared me.

What frightened me most was that when I lie awake in bed now I can
never feel that hate or candy floss or emotion ever again, because the
mass of feelings inside me all systematically combusted and BOOM I was
left with nothing. Numbness.

I'm Pandora's box - in a way. My wrongs and rights have fled and
there's only one thing left - not hope - that was one of the first to
leave - but the same desire to break free. And in the chasm that my
other enotions left behind it grows and struggles with its bonds.