Weightless - July 03 2002

I now have two alarm clocks you see, the one I had already and the
one that I bought in MH. Theye are set for 6.15 and 6.45 am, as I type
this the second one has just gone off upstairs waking my wife. "So why
have you two alarm clocks?" she asked before the other one went off
again, "oi, turn it off!" she said lobbing the alarm clock out of the
bedroom. "Take it downstairs, then if it goes off again I wont hear
it!" I retrieve the second alarm clock in a hurry before anymore go
off....

I fed the cats this morning as usual. But we are very low on catfood,
and Tabby is a bit picky about what he eats.

I woke up at 6.15 am (02) on the second alarm clock, yesterday and went
downstairs. I have plenty of cigarettes for a change. I get the 8.22 am
train to London, so I can be on time, and read Fahrenheit 451, which I
have now finished. I sat there for a bit not really thinking about
anything afterwards. It's not a particularly long novel, but it is very
good. Just because it is SF does not mean that you could not study the
book in English Lit and get something more out of it, and maybe see who
Montag really represents...

At work in the morning we try to prepare data files for download, but
there is a problem, the main data set is missing, and my cut elbow
bleeds on the boss's desk. I sat there and said "Oh, I've bled on your
desk," then I got a plaster. We send a message to the help desk and
wait. At lunchtime I buy my Panini and Cafe Latte, which costs ?6.20,
which is twice waht I used to spend on my sandwich lunch in the past,
but I really don't care anymore. The other day I texted my wife and
said could she post my credit card bills, and she texted back OK so I
texted back Thanks. I am a really novelist when it comes to
messaging.

In the afternoon I sort out a dataabse for the filing ladies and try to
stop them from using the old Excel sheet. I mean I even renamed the old
file and they were still using it. A bit of cut and paste there sorted
that out. On the train home I had nothing to read, so I thought about
... and the board and what I do. I had a long think about why gnus are
important. I think I understand the logic behind them, and when I got
in I took the opportunity to pay for the deckchair.

I sat there in my suit, certain that I would have a bath later on, and
typed up a story about a nowhere man. And a drawer. With no music
playing except the drip drip drip of a tap in the kitchen, then my wife
got in and I had a bath. I went online again and listened to G and J as
a cigarette. They make sense. I should spend less time self obsessing
and more time being me instead of some woody allen creature clutching
their neuroses like a badge on a sleeve. It is too easy for me to fall
into the trap of relating myself to everything, and to find well,
nobody is really bothered. Its a lesson in understanding. I like ice
but sometimes he does go on a bit, I logged off and watched Big Brother
and saw that Jade is very likely to leave the house at the end of the
week, and that Tim is still a Tim. Kate wore her special shirt for her
dinner with Tim and got very drunk. I like watching people, how they
react to a given situation. I went back on line again and saw that the
chat room was empty and ... was busy offline. So I wrote another email,
and for once did not try to creep myself into the lines of the message
but just said hi. And another to ... because I did. I think sometimes
if life swiftly moves along, when I am in the crowd I dont remember
name, when I am in the crowd. Fall into a haze at the
supermarket...echoes of Weller's songs run through my head.

I went to bed at 11.30 pm I think, I am not sure, I know it was late
and the lights were out upstairs, and the cats were very tired. And I
lay there in my bed thinking for a bit before I fell asleep. I dared
myself to remember my dreams but they fade like fleeting
memories.

And everyone seems just like me, they struggle hard to set themselves
free, and they are waiting for the change, when I am in the crowd...
the song is still is still in my head.

I wrote about Animal House twice because the first time I deleted the
whole message by accident, I hate doing that.