You - July 11 2002

A bit later today I woke up and I have gone past the first alarm and
got up and the second alarm sounds. I am sitting here listening to a
tape I did yesterday evening wonering why it now sounds so out of tune.
I think I need to concentrate more. I fedd the cats when I got up
yesterday (10) and rushed off to work and got the train. I spent the
entire journey thinking as usual, as I sometimes do about this and
that, and the other. So I messaged ...

I got into work and spent the morning working on stuff, nothing really
that difficult. At lunchtime I had a slapup Italian meal in this
restaurant called Cotrianis and made sure that when I got back to the
office I hadn't drunk too much. I had scallops and mushrooms to satrt
with followed by spaghettio with lobster. I had some red wine as
well.

In the afternoon I did the tapes and then I got the train home, and
continued reading "Guns Of Avalon". I like the book.

I got in and spent an hour taping myself playing the guitar and
singing, but I have just played some of the stuff back and it is out of
tune, and I am thinking why? It sounded okay last night, but in the
cold light of day I think it is not good enough. I will have to do the
whole lot again.

I spent a long time this evening in chat with ... and listening to
Jimmy Eat World, about four or five times. It's a good album. I wrote
another short poem and tried to capture what I felt listening to the
music and talking to my friend ...

I mentioned the tape and I may still send it, I can hear one of the
songs in my mind, and it sounds better than it does on the tape, I have
no idea why. Of course there is no bass or drums and the acoustic is
very scratchy too.

My wife was out all evening at friends so I was on my own, except I
wasn't because I had my friend to chat too. I didnt watch Big Brother,
so no surprises there I think.

The sun is up now and is shining through the window into the room.
Longhair is dozing by the window in the sun. I think cats like the sun,
they find it warm and comforting like a friend.

I hope that it doesn't rain or throw a storm at Reading, else I will
feel like Scott of The Antarctic except I will be in a muddy field.
There will be no haircut, thats been decided at last. The leather
jacket situation is more worrying. I have too many jackets of shapes
and sizes to get another. At some stage I shall have to get the entire
collection out and try them all on, testing for soundness of seams,
warmth and whether the zip works or not. The great gear acquisition
will wait till I have the tickets in my hand, safe.

I have definitely lost weight, next stop below 220 pounds. I ascribe
this to my new diet of panini and cigarettes. And coffee. Its a
question of whether it stays off for good. The trouble with losing
weight is you hit a space where nothing you where currently fits and
everything else has been stretched. The temptation to clebrate by
acquiring a whole new set of gear is considerable but I have stuff that
I can wear, I am sure of it.

The light streams through the window and illuminates my world. I was up
till midnight again last night, as I seem to be more and more. Then I
fall asleep and wake up and I am back here once more. I know I can
sing, its just that my voice doesnt know it yet, or maybe its just my
imagination. I will keep trying till I have it sussed for sure.

I have to keep trying, I have to be better than yesterday.