The Smiths

The Smiths

Scene 1

(Jasmine and Sarah enter)
Sarah: Why won’t you take me to, ‘Who Wants to Be a Superstar, auditions?’
Jasmine: Because unlike you I have a job. And in order for me to keep that job I’ve got to get there, and you know how much I like my job.
Sarah: Yes I do. But who goes to work on Saturdays?
Jasmine: A person who works for a living.
Sarah: Won’t you help your little sister out.
Jasmine: So sad… no. You’re 16 Sarah you’re responsible enough to go to the mall by yourself.
Sarah: Yes but I need you support. Do you know how many people go there and their dreams get crushed.
Jasmine: Yes I know. Bye.
(Jasmine exits, Claire and Josh enter)
Sarah: Jasmine.
Claire: What were you two talking about?
Sarah: Mum you know how much I want to be a dancer.
Claire: Yes I do.
Sarah: I need support but I can’t have it.
Claire: Why not?
Sarah: Okay let me cut this long story short. I need support for when I audition for Who Wants to Be a Superstar.
Claire: Okay. Ring Anna up and go with her.
Sarah: Yeah, after all she is my best friend. I can’t wait; I’ve been practicing ages with the girls on our dance moves. ‘Hey Anna it’s you number one best friend here. Meet me at my house we’ve got an audition to go to.
(Zack enters)
Zack: Hey everybody.
Everyone: Hey Zack.
Zack: I saw Theresa Sharp at our local Gym.
Josh: You mean the famous actress Theresa Sharp.
Sarah: Of course he does Josh. Don’t you.
Josh: I may be your little brother Sarah but I can get you for rudeness.
Zack: Can we concentrate on the main subject.
Josh: Which would be my woman?
Everybody: What!
(Stan enters)
Stan: Tell them son.
Claire: Stan are you telling me our little boy has a woman crush already.
Stan: Say it loud, say it proud. Oh there’s no harm in it Claire he’s 10 years old.
Josh: Mum I’m becoming a man. And I’ve discovered my woman is Theresa Sharp.
Claire: I bet you have.
Josh: We will be together so prepare your eyes to meet the new Mrs. Smith.
Stan: Player! Give me a Hi- Five.
(Anna enters)
Anna: What is the big drama? And auditions what for?
Sarah: We are going to Who Wants to Be a Superstar auditions. It’s going to be brilliant.
Anna: I hope so. Have you phoned the girls?
Sarah: I’ll do that now. Done. Bye mum and dad.
Stan and Claire: Bye.
Stan: Come on Josh time for your Martial Arts lesson at the Gym.
Josh: Judo.
Stan: Whatever, I still have to pay for it. Do you know what we used to do in my time for fun? We used to run around the street, and if you won you would have to run around the street again.
Josh: What’s so fun about that?
Stan: It was free.
Josh: Do I have to go it’s getting boring; we do the same techniques all the time.
Stan: Theresa Sharp will be there.
Josh: Let’s go.
Stan: Zack are you coming?
Zack: I could lose a little bit of weight.
Stan: What about you Claire?
Claire: I’ll pass I’ve got to stay. Book Club meeting is here.
Stan: We’ll see you later.

Scene 2

(Sarah and Anna enter)
Sarah: Anna I can’t do this.
Anna: There’s no such word as can’t.
Sarah: Yes there is, if you look in the dictionary it’s there.
Anna: You know what I mean.
Sarah: Oh. I ruined my pep talk didn’t I?
Anna: Pretty much.
Dancer 1: Hey guys. We came as fast as we could.
Dancer 2: Are you excited I know I am.
Sarah: Excited, I’m petrified.
Dancer 3: Well don’t be there’s nothing to be petrified about?
Justine: Well I’ll be shocked. Sarah Smith at Who Wants to Be a Superstar auditions. You must be lost, because this is where talented people come.
Sarah: Since I’m already stressed out. I’m going to ignore your rude comment Justine. You’ve been trying to beat me since we were in Year 2 newsflash ain’t gonna happen.
Judge 1: Number 2345.
Justine: We’ll see about that. That’s me, unlike you their actually going to see talent.
Judge 2: What’s your name? And what have you prepared for us today?
Justine: My name is Justine Barker. My girls and I have prepared a dance for you. We’re dancing to Michael Jackson: Beat It)
(Justine’s performance: Michael Jackson- Beat It)
Judge 3: That was excellent. I think we can agree on that you’re through. See you next week.
Justine: Yes!
(Justine exits with her dancers)
Judge 2: Number 2346.
Anna: That’s you and the girls. Have fun.
Judge 1: What’s your name?
Sarah: My name is Sarah Smith.
Judge 3: What have you chosen to perform?
Sarah: We’ve chosen to dance to Michael Jackson: Thriller.
(Sarah’s performance: Michael Jackson- Thriller)
Judge 3: That was fantastic! You are through to the next round.
Judge 2: We’ll see you next week.
Sarah: Thank you. I made it through.
Anna: You did. I mean you did.
Dancer 1: Let’s got to where Dave works at.
Anna: You mean ‘Marks Café”.
Sarah: Dave is so sad. He works for a boy who is 6 years younger than him and he’s 16.
Anna: But he needs the money.
Dancer 3: So is Mark the boy he works for.
Anna: Isn’t that Martin with is little sister Kelly?
Dancer 2: Sarah and Anna we’ve got to go. We’ll see you next week.
(Dancers exit)
(Martin, Kelly and the ballet dancers enter)
Martin: Hey guys. I was forced to bring her here.
Sarah: Are you entering in the competition?
Kelly: Yes. My ballet dancers and I have been working really hard.
Ballet Dancer 1: Especially on the twirls.
Ballet Dancer 2: I’m so scared. What if they don’t like our performance?
Anna: I’m sure they will.
Ballet Dancer 3: Did you enter Sarah?
Sarah: Yes I did.
Judge 3: Number 2678.
Kelly: That’s us; let’s give them an entertainment to see.
Sarah: Good luck.
Judge 1: What is your name?
Kelly: My name is Kelly Rich.
Judge 2: What are you going to audition with your dancers?
Kelly: We decided on doing a Ballet Performance to the Sugar Plum Fairy.
(Kelly’s Performance: Sugar Plum Fairy)
Judge 3: That was brilliant!
Judge 2: You deserve to come back next week.
Judge 1: You’re through.
Kelly: We made it.
Anna: Your sister made it.
Martin: Did she?
Sarah: Yeah.
Kelly: We’ve got a look for a coach.
Ballet Dancer 3: Let’s contact our Ballet Teacher.
Ballet Dancer 1: She’ll help us.
Kelly: And if we win. We’ll all become famous.
Martin: Famous you say.
Anna: Duh. Didn’t you know, the runners up will be shown on TV and get to guest star in a comedy episode. As for the winner she or he will be able to do the same as the runner up, but with an advantage of becoming what they want to be worldwide.
Sarah: And they also get to feature in a dance video produced by Steve Garner. But if you coach let say somebody that’s dancing in the competition, if they win you’ll get paid 6, 000 pounds out of the money they’ve won.
Martin: I’ll be your coach Kelly.
Kelly: No way, you know nothing about Ballet.
Martin: I know the flipsies and the twirlies and the steppy steppy steps.

Sarah: Anna and I have got go. See you
later.

Scene 3

Sarah: Hey Dave.
Dave: What’s up girls?
Sarah: Not much, or the fact that I entered in Who Wants to Be a Superstar… and got through. Why aren’t you happy dancing?
Dave: Cos am I guy and guys don’t happy dance. Mark is getting on my last nerves. That little twirp keeps bossing me around to do the most ridiculous things. Yesterday I had to stack 50 packs of tea bags on my own.
Anna: What’s wrong with that?
Dave: He then claims he accidentally threw them in the bin. So I had to stack another 50.
Sarah and Anna: Ooooh.
Dave: I know.
(Mark enters)
Mark: I hope you’re doing your job. I don’t pay you to stand around and do nothing.
Dave: You don’t pay me at all.
Mark: Oh yeah my dad does. But he named this café after me so I’m in charge.
Sarah: Dave guess what?
Dave: What?
Mark: You should be working. But you can tell me Sarah.
Sarah: I’d rather not. Anyway I’ve been told that the one, the only, Theresa Sharp is in our area.
Dave: No way.
Mark: Theresa Sharp you say, I’ve got an idea.
Dave: What are you up to?
Mark: Nothing.
Sarah: See ya.
(Sarah and Anna exit)

Scene 4

(Stan and Zack enter)
Stan: Took Josh to his Judo lesson.
Zack: I’m gong to go on these running machines. What’s wrong with this thing it won’t work?
Stan: Let me look at it. Can’t get it to work either.
Theresa Sharp: May I look at it?
Stan: Go ahead but I don’t think it will… oh my gosh you’re Theresa Sharp. You were awesome in that film with Denzel Washington, I love you for that.
Zack: Stop sucking up Stan. I worship you like a goddess.
Stan: Who’s sucking up now…Zack?
Theresa Sharp: You wanted help with the running machine. Ah there’s your problem; you’ve got it in the wrong zone, you want the red zone.
(Josh enters)
Josh: Dad, why is uncle Zack talking to my woman?
Stan: Well Grasshopper seems like your woman is giving him her number.
Josh: The only number he should be getting is 911.
Theresa Sharp: Who is this?
Stan: My little boy Josh.
Josh: But the ladies call me the love doctor.
Stan: What ladies the dolls that you steal from your sisters old treasure box’s, or actual human beings.
Josh: Dad.
Stan: Oh I’m sorry neither then.
Josh: Girl I know you must be tired.
Theresa Sharp: Why?
Josh: Cause you’ve been running through my mind.
Zack: Excuse him, he’s quite a situation.
Josh: Who you calling a situation? The love for my woman is no imagination. You thinking she would ever go out with you, now that’s an imagination.
Zack: Would you disappear?
Josh: No. I want to show Theresa a little something. Watch as I do the moonwalk. Wait for it. (He does a spin but falls down. Zack starts laughing)
Theresa Sharp: Zack how can you be so mean. Want a hug Josh?
(Judo fighter 1, 2 and 3 enter)
Judo Fighter 1: Josh coach wants you.
Judo Fighter 2: He’s in a bad mood.
Judo Fighter 3: I would hurry if I was you.
(Judo Fighter 1, 2, and 3 exit)
Josh: Sorry my lady. Don’t worry I’ll be back. You (He points to Zack) I’m watching you. Laugh at this. (He does a spin and then shows the moonwalk until he exits the scene)

Scene 5

(Sam and Nick enter)
Sam: Hey Claire.
Claire: Hey guys. Ladies I’d like you to meet Sam and Nick, my next door neighbors’. They’re a married couple.
Nick: Where’s Stan?
Claire: He’s taken Josh to his Judo lesson and Zack has gone as well.
Sam: Are you having your Book Club?
Claire: Yeah want to join Sam?
Sam: Okay.
Claire: Here’s a book.
Nick: Right I’m going to leave.
(Nick exits)
Claire: Ladies.
Sam: What are you doing?
Claire: Don’t you know we never read the book we just watch the film.
Sam: But this is a fantastic book. Have you given it a shot?
Claire: No.
Sam: Come on Claire. This is a wonderful book about witch’s, demons, gypsies and many more.
Claire: Yes… but it came with a great movie ‘The Golden Compass’. So can we please watch, we only got halfway through yesterday?
Sam: Fine you watch, I’m going to sit here and read it.
Claire: Go ahead. I hear somebody’s key. Ladies form the position. (Sarah and Anna enter) Oh Sarah I didn’t hear you coming.
Sam: Pretty sure you did.
Claire: Hush Sam.
Sarah: Hey mum… I got through.
Claire: What! That’s great Sarah. Oh, you ladies are leaving I’ll see you next week, my house. (Book club members exit)
Sarah: Something doesn’t smell where’s Josh?
Claire: Gone to his Judo lesson. Your dad and Zack took him.
(Jasmine enters)
Jasmine: Doesn’t anybody care what’s happened to me at work today?
Sarah: Not really no.
Jasmine: Well I’m gong to tell you anyway.
(Everyone moans)
Jasmine: Mum.
Claire: Honey I’m sorry but your lifestyle at work is just so boring.
Anna: See you on Monday. I love being on half term.
(Anna exits)
Jasmine: Any who back to me I got a promotion! Why are you so happy?
Sarah: Because you can finally move out.
Jasmine: What’s your problem?
Sarah: When I needed you, you went there for me. Thanks for being such a low right sis.
(Sarah exits)
Claire: Don’t worry she won’t hold the grudge for long.
Jasmine: But she’s doing it now. Maybe she’s right I am a rubbish older sister.
Claire: Jasmine.
Jasmine: Nah I’m going to lie down.
(Jasmine exits)
Sam: Uhhhh. I should go shouldn’t I?
Claire: You think.
(Sam exits, Stan, Zack and Josh enter)
Josh: The worst day of my life.
Zack: The best day of my life.
Josh: He’s going out with Theresa Sharp.
Zack: I’m going out with Theresa Sharp.
Claire: Stan.
Stan: True.
Josh: Good looking people are meant to go out with good looking people. Ugly people are just there.
Claire: Wait a minute you don’t think that ugly people fall in love.
Josh: Mum that’s not love that’s company. I mean dad got you but look what you got?
Claire: I know I have to wake up to that everyday.
(Josh exits)
Claire: What have you done to my son?
Stan: He’s not your son anymore, he’s mine.
Zack: Got to prepare myself for my date.
(Zack exits)

Scene 6

Theresa Sharp: Thank you Claire for the wonderful lunch.
Claire: No problem.
Zack: We are gong to a Beyonce party this weekend.
Josh: Beyonce! That’s my other girl that’s it we’re about to fight now.
Stan: Excuse him.
Zack: Anyway, Theresa and I have one extra ticket for anybody who wants to go.
Stan: I’m going.
Claire: Na uh I’ve cooked this food for Theresa to enjoy so I deserve to go.
Stan: Fine let’s toss a coin. I’ve got heads.
Claire: Tails.
Josh: And I’ve got the edge. If God really loved he would grant me this miracle. Yes! No!
Stan: Yes, I’m going.
Sarah: Can we focus on more important matters’… me. Now come on the finals are today for ‘Who wants to Be a Superstar’. You all said you were going to come and watch.
Stan: Of course.
Josh: Why do I have to go? Sarah’s not talented anyway.
Jasmine: And me. Since I’m such a low right sis.
Stan: Now come on you two. You’re her brother and sister you two should go, while I stay.
Claire: Stan.
Stan: What! Oh come on Claire there football game is on.
Josh: Mum you know how much I like football.
Claire: You despised of it ever since you were six years old.
Josh: And now I love it again.
Claire: Right. What about you Jasmine? You two are sisters.
Jasmine: Not any more she hates me.
Claire: Stan you’re telling me you love football than your own daughter.
Stan: No. I’m telling you I love football more than the competition.
Sarah: Mum it doesn’t matter. Thanks for having my back guys.
(Sarah exits)
Claire: Now I hope all of you are proud of yourselves. I’m going to drive Sarah to the competition. You might want to think about your decisions’.
Zack: Hold up Claire, Theresa and I want to come with you.
(Claire, Zack and Theresa Sharp exit)
Josh: Dad I feel bad.
Stan: Is it because you’re not going to Sarah’s competition.
Josh: Nope, it’s because we don’t have any crisps.
Jasmine: I think we should go.
Josh: Your opinion doesn’t matter. Shouldn’t you be at work?
Jasmine: We have a day off. Come on dad back me up on this.
Stan: Me, why me? Oh man. Fine let’s go.
(Stan, Jasmine and Josh exit)

Scene 7

Anna: Justine is about to do her performance. You missed Kelly’s it was another Ballet Performance.
(Justine’s performance: FloRida Ft. T Pain- Low)
Judge 2: Thank You. Next person please.
Anna: Hey where’s your dad, sister and brother.
Sarah: They didn’t want to come. The only person from my family that came was my mum.
Anna: Hey isn’t that Theresa Sharp with your uncle.
Sarah: Yeah, their dating.
Judge 3: Next person.
Sarah: After two more people it’s me and the girls. We’re the last competitors’.
(Sam and Nick enter)
Sam: Hey Sarah, where’s your mum?
Sarah: She’s sitting down where the audiences are supposed to sit.
Nick: Do your best kid.
Sarah: I will.
Anna: Look over there. That’s Steve Garner the dance producer. Sarah if you win you’ll be produced by him. And everybody wants their dance videos to be produced by him.
(Stan, Jasmine and Josh enter)
Sarah: Hey that’s my dad and brother and sister. They came after all.
Stan: We wanted to come and support you.
Josh: I got dragged into this.
Sarah: I bet you did.
Jasmine: And I took the day off to come and see my little sis.
Sarah: I wouldn’t have asked for anything else.
Stan: We’ll go sit down with your mum.
Judge 3: Last person.
Sarah: That’s me and the girls. Come on lets do our best.
Judge 2: Nice to see you again.
Sarah: You wouldn’t think we’d run away that quickly did you.
(Sarah’s performance: Jennifer Lopez- Get Right)
Judge 1: Right I think the winner should be judged by the one the only Steve Garner.
Steve Garner: Thank You. (To the audience: I think the audience should decide who wins. Make some noise for Justine, make some noise for Sarah.)
Steve G: The winner is (Whoever had the most amount of noise) You’re going to feature in your first dance video produced by me. Not only have you won to be in a feature dance video, you have also won twenty thousand pounds.
(Whoever wins should answer from their own words)

Scene 8

Dave: Yo, yo, yo, yo, yo. If you wanna be viewing on what a film stars doing. Just hand me a five. And watch the Theresa house slide.
Sarah: Dave what are you doing?
Dave: Ever since you told Mark about Theresa being here. He’s made all this happen. Now I’ve got to work double shifts.
Mark: Get your genuine Theresa Sharp trash. We stole it ourselves and we’re sell it for cash.
Dave: I got toenail clippings and that’s no hype. Clone your own Theresa while the DNA is ripe.
Dave and Mark: I said a what, I said a what, I said a what, I said a…
Dave: freaky freaky word.
Dave and Mark: Respect.
Anna: Okay first of all this isn’t any of Theresa’s merchandise.
Mark: Sssssh. Do you want people to hear you?
Theresa Sharp: Hi boys hear you’ve been selling peeks into my house.
Dave: It was all his idea.
Mark: No it wasn’t, okay it was. But we’re making big money.
Theresa Sharp: Fine you can sell these things but stop selling peeks into my house.
Mark: Okay deal.
(Sarah talks about what happened at the competition)(Last performance: Kool and the Gang: Celebrations)

The End