My Dinosaur Era Chapter 49

 

that was nice, says petula

 

        mm, yes, it was, I needed to feel very clean, I say

 

it feels freer touching someone when they are upright

 

        I’ll be honest, I have never thought of it that way

 

do you not think though, like you can touch more of the other person, more of yourself too

 

        I’m sure you’re right, it’s just not the takeaway I was expecting

 

my big weird face has a big weird brain just behind it

 

        I like them both

 

can I ask you something, it’s a bit personal

 

I think if you have just showered naked with somebody that you can be quite personal

 

it’s about jane

 

        go ahead

 

you said that you never had sex, you and her, like it never seemed important

 

        it just never seemed important, yes

 

do you think that if you had been together longer that you might have had sex

 

I have thought about this, I never used to, I wanted to preserve what we had as it was, like a time capsule but more recently I did wonder about that

 

and what did you come up with

 

I think we would have, yes, there would have come a time when that would have been exactly the right thing to do

 

so you aren’t like, against sex in principle then

 

        no, why would I be

 

I didn’t phrase that very well, I meant, if the right person came along, would you want to have sex with them one day

 

if you are actually asking if one day will we have sex, then that’s something we can answer together, you’re making it sound like it’s just up to me

no, I realise that it up to each of us and to be honest, I actually love how we are right now and even if you said, nope, we ain’t ever gonna fuck, I don’t think it would matter

    

I suppose it is something we needed to talk about, not leaving it there, lurking in the shadows

 

so, just now, in the shower, you were hard, right, but you didn’t want to fuck

 

        it’s not as binary as that, my body does certain things, same as your does

 

sorry, I’m being too intense

 

        nah, it’s difficult for me to explain

 

you don’t have to

 

        I want to

 

you don’t have to right now then

 

        let me give it a go

 

go on

 

before I met jane, I was so tired of it all, you meet someone, you fuck, you kid yourself that you’re in love, even if you start to hate that person, you stay with them, you try and keep things together, so by the time I ended up at jane’s door, I was drained, there was nothing left in me to give to anyone, and jane was the same, her boyfriend had run off with her friend, she was heartbroken, alone, quite sure that she wasn’t going to love again, and we sat and ate biscuits in front of the telly, for ages, I’m not even sure for how long and that’s where love was hiding, in those hours, not between our legs, fuck that sounds way dramatic but yeah, fuck, I dunno

 

I get it, go on, if you want to

 

well, that’s it, after she died, I guess I idolised her for a time, thought she was irreplaceable, that’s what grief does to you

 

and after that, once the initial grief passed

 

then I felt really fucking depressed for a year or so, I didn’t even talk to ginny much, I hid myself away

 

did you ever try with another woman

 

        I tried online dating, yeah, and that was what solidified it all for me

 

how do you mean

 

that we all had become obsessed with sticking body parts in each other, that the magnificence of a love moulded, earned, forged over time was extinct

 

I want to tell you that you are being a bit dramatic but unfortunately, I totally agree too

 

look, this isn’t all about me, this is my sad story and I want you to know it but the last couple of weeks have flipped me upside down and fuck, I’m glad of it

 

timmy, you are the first man who hasn’t tried to fuck me on day one and yeah, I know you were tired and all that but you did just want to watch the film and be away from all the madness with someone, right

 

        right

 

that has literally never happened to me before, and the irony is that I came to your flat because I wanted to have sex with someone, I wanted to hurt jonny and I didn’t care who with, I wanted someone to fuck the pain away

 

        peaches

 

yeah, I would have left right now if you hadn’t got that reference

 

        as if I wouldn’t get that

 

timmy

 

        petula

 

can you kiss me please