Devil incarnate
By Beeme
Tue, 12 Apr 2011
- 1416 reads
5 comments
Just because
I’m man-made;
flesh and bone;
the light in my eyes
shines unfailing…
shines as bright
as the sun;
sacrificing it’s light;
to our melting bodies;
to prolong our radiance.
And your grim-reaper hands;
constantly waiting…
for my eyes to shut;
long enough for you,
to give you chance
to shine too.
To become,
the finest candle
in our darkest hour.
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Comments
A very effective poem,
Permalink Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on
A very effective poem, Beeme. (By the way the its doesn't need an apostrophe)
I too liked the part about the grim-reaper hands;-)
Tina xx
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"our melting bodies" - a
Permalink Submitted by MistakenMagic on
"our melting bodies" - a delicious image and a beautiful poem :)
Magic xxx
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You have such a distinctive
You have such a distinctive style Beeme and you don't waste words (like wot I does) - have you decided to self-publish or not? Some good advice given - one of the best things about ABC, plenty of people have been there and done that. :-)
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It's very good, but you
It's very good, but you might want to try dropping all the punctuation at the end of the lines apart from the two full stops. The semicolons interrupt the flow a little.
Rob
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