I

By Beeme

Wed, 22 Jun 2011
  • 1539 reads
8 comments
 

I wish I was your light;
my body glittering
like the azure mist-
resting on the morning air.

I wish I could be strong;
ignore the amassing darkness.
Suffer the highs, embrace the lows,
the lengthening shadows of
each passing day;

vultures, circling
anticipating my body's collapse.
waiting to take the tender marrow from my bones;
reshape my silhouette, make me real.

My image flashes against the sunlight;
a mirage of scripts, writing all the wrong endings.
Settling for a broken image-
a character cast in the wrong body.
Still I rise-
because I want to be your light.
I need to be seen in your image,
so I can feel real again.

Certificate 12
Autobiography

Comments

Submitted by celticman on
There is some darkness in here, but lots of light to balance.

 

Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on
Hi there, Beeme. Another impressive poem from your pen., Beeme A minor point, but in stanza 3, should be 'my body's collapse'. I really liked these lines:- "Suffer the highs, embrace the lows, the lengthening shadows of each passing day;" The starkness of the title , 'I' suits the mood of the poem well. Much enjoyed;-) Tina xx

 

Submitted by Highhat on
I especially liked the first stanza- the image with the mist was beautiful- I could just picture it. Brilliant poem Beeme. ;)Pia

Submitted by maggyvaneijk on
magical otherworldly imagery. I love the last stanza, the sense of an image within an image and the "mirage of scripts"

 

Submitted by fatboy74 on
I think this is very good Beeme, some beautiful description. I think if you're struggling you are heading in the right way to sort it out - I've been writng and reading nothing but every so often without realising a poem begins to form and then there it is - despite panicking I can't write no more. I wish my exam scripts were a mirage. ATB Fatboy :-)

 

Submitted by Beeme on
Thank you all very much for your kind and generous feedback. I'm extremely happy you all enjoyed! :) Beeme xx

k.

Submitted by Insertponceyfre... on
there's some wonderful imagery in this poem Beeme. Like the others say, a very powerful ending too. I think you need a comma halfway through this: Suffer the highs embrace the lows,

 

Submitted by Beeme on
Thank you very much insert! Beeme xx

k.