Perfection

By cadburys-roses

Tue, 02 Dec 2008
  • 1366 reads
4 comments
 

Perfection
What is perfection?
I used to want my bedroom to be perfect
It is now. It has bright colours, yet it is simple
It is organised yet busy; it is filled with the things I love.
And it has become a place I love,
Yet when I come here I feel despair, I see my life
Laid out like a path, waiting for me to follow it.
You might say that is perfection.
I have a family
They love and care for me and treat me like royalty
I have friends
They talk to me when I am down and they care
And in return I talk to them when they are down.
You might say that is perfection.
I have a roof over my head and food in my cupboards
I have money in my bank account and a dad to give me the money.
You might say all of this is perfection.
Yet once you have achieved perfection,
You realise what your life has become;
Imperfection
And once perfection is there under your nose
You realise that there is something missing
Something you missed out along the way
Something that causes you to sit in your perfect room
And cry with your perfect, made up, eyes.
It causes you to come home to your perfect family
To not want to tell your family
It ruins your perfect relationship with them.
It causes you to text with your perfect phone to your perfect friends
And it causes you to spill your perfect heart out
That’s when you realise
These aren’t perfect friends
Perfect friends understand
You like your friends being imperfect
But with your perfect imperfection you cannot tell anyone
You cry
You pray
You dream
And in your dreams you are happy
And in your dreams you are with him
And in your dreams you find perfection
And then life is over
And then your own blood is spilling out your own love
And in that last breath, you realise you have reached.
Perfect imperfection,
Perfection.

Certificate 12
Other
Feel
Love

Comments

Submitted by cadburys-roses on
Please leave comments whether its praise or criticism:)

Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on
I liked this very much and could identify with its sentiments. It was clear to me it was written from the heart. A couple of small points. At the beginning of line 8, I would use the word either 'laid' or 'set'where at present you have 'lay'. It culiminates beautifully in the last three lines, but wonder if you would consider putting a full-stop after the penultimate one and maybe omit the word 'what'. It would give so much more weight to the poem's strong finale. I.e. 'And in that last breath, you realise you have reached Perfect imperfection. Perfection. Just food for thought about a much enjoyed poem. Well done:-) Tina

 

Submitted by cadburys-roses on
thank you for the tips :)

Submitted by tcook on
I like it - but I think it tells too much and shows too little. Poetry needs to create space for the reader and I fear that this fills in too many blanks.