There's an element of The Two Ronnies about this

By Caldwell
- 70 reads
[Courtroom set. Barker (Counsel) rises, papers in hand. Corbett (Professor Plomb) is in the dock, looking dignified but slightly bewildered.]
Barker (grandly): Professor Plomb, Ph.D., M.S… and, er… Pb.
Corbett (brightly): That’s right, yes.
Barker: You live at Number Eighty-Two, do you not?
Corbett: I do.
(Laughter.)
Barker (pressing): Now then, Professor, would you describe yourself as a fit man?
Corbett (with aplomb): Oh yes, my lord. Fit as a fiddle. In fact, I’d say I’m very much… in my element.
(Huge laugh. Barker looks pained, waits for quiet.)
Barker (ignoring him): And next door, at Number Eighty-Three, resided the deceased—Mrs Bismuth.
Corbett: Mrs Bismuth, yes. She had invited me in to check her plumbing. (winks at audience, implying double entendre). She had complained of problems with gas. (winks again). Terrible stench of sulphur - though that could have been something she ate.
(Audience howl.)
Barker: Very well, Professor. And what was your relationship like with Mrs Bismuth?
Corbett: Lovely woman, though she did tend to split easily. Bit flaky, shall we say.
Barker (snaps): She was a widow!
Corbett (twinkle): Exactly what I mean.
Barker: On the night in question, a copper was called who discovered a Victorian pipe at the scene with your prints on it.
Corbett (wriggles uncomfortably): mmm.
Barker (sternly): The victim, it appears, had been struck upon the head, the pipe determined to be the murder weapon. Tell me, Professor - did you do it?
Corbett (deadpan): Unfortunately, I have no iron-clad alibi. Alright, I admit it. I did it. But I tell you, I may not have been pushed but I was lead. Incited by some music I heard
(Big laugh. Barker winces.)
Barker: And what was this music?
Corbett: The heavy metal band “Poison”.
Barker (groans, to judge): My Lord, the man is clearly unstable.
Corbett (indignant): Unstable? Not at all. Solid as a rock… though a bit soft in places.
(Audience laugh.)
Barker (snapping): Professor, you stand accused of murder in the first degree! What do you say for yourself?
Corbett (sighs, looking down, then up with a twinkle): Well, your Lordship… every rose has its thorn.
(Big laugh, ripple of applause. Judge bangs gavel as lights fade. End sketch.)
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Comments
It made me smile and I could
It made me smile and I could see it, exactly. So it is definitely worth the Cherries. So much dialogue is hopeless. This hops along, nothing wasted.
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